I had these rosebud curtain hooks. I bought them at a yard sale with Doug when we were dating. 12 for $1.25. They were a bargain and subsequently, coincidently, went fabulous with my shabby chic floral curtains. I - HEARTED - these stupid curtain hooks.Time passes.
Our cleaning woman lets me know that some broke, 3 in fact, while she was cleaning the tub. "They're so fragile" she said. I believe her. They weren't dainty, but old. So online I go. I find them on ebay. They are $7.50 with $4 for shipping. More then I think shower curtain hooks need to be but not bank breaking. I don't bid on them though. I think "Don't be wasteful, likely you can just find them at Target." Environmentally, I'm caring about the packaging it'll take to mail them to me.
We go to Target. They don't have anything similar. I see green leaves. I don't love them. "What about the pink ones?" I muse out loud looking at some gerber daisy hooks. "Get the green leaves" Doug says. Hmm, I really don't love them but I'm happy he's taking an interest in home decor.
I put both back. I'll just go to Walmart.
As I walk away, I think "Oh what am I crazy? They're shower curtain hooks. Who cares, just BUY them here and be done with it. You're going to go all the way to Walmart to try and find the roses? Be done with it."
I stand still. Paralyzed. I REALLY don't like my choices. But one hopes. And because Doug is always chiding me for both being indecisive and creating more work for myself, I grab the green leaves.
"I think you'll like them" he says.
I get them home.
I can't open the damn package. I tear it. I usually don't but THIS time I'm committing to a decision. I bought these, they are fine, they'll do. Be done with it. I actually throw the package away. Upstairs I go, I place them on the corner on the sink. To Be Done Tomorrow.
That night, Doug goes in to brush his teeth.
"I think you were right honey" he calls out.
"Right about what" I ask (pointlessly really because what am I ever wrong about?)
"Right about the hooks...these green one's look horrible"
I walk in. He's hanging the hooks. Wow, he's right. How could we both be so wrong.
"Shit" I say out loud.
"What's the matter"
I explain about the torn box. He sympathizes.
"Maybe they'll take them back anyway" he says.
Downstairs I go and fish the torn packaging out of the trash.
I mull it over. For about a day. Seriously. The hooks are back in the car with the receipt. Then it hits me! Pure genius.
I'll just buy the pink ones, and return the green leaves in the pink's packaging. It's not stealing, I never used them, the price is the same, the packaging the same. It's PERFECT, Besides, if I returned the first bunch in the damaged package, they would have been discarded as damaged and I was only going to throw the new packaging away. My god, this is great! This way, everything gets reused!
Back to Target I go. I buy the pink. I drop another $14 while I'm there on a snow hat and mittens for the darling. I'm now into Target for $34. Out to the car. Hmm, I know I'm going to be returning the green anyway, let me just change the packages now. Jam jam, stuff stuff, manipulate, maneuver. M*therf*ckers changed their packaging. Argh. I'm stymied.
Oh well, you know what, I can still return them in the damaged packaging I conclude. I leave all the hooks, the empty plastic packages, everything on the passenger seat. Home I go. In I go. Upstairs I go. Try the pink.
The pink look like sh*t. Too pink. Too modern. Too stark against the subtle washed shower curtain. Sigh, I sigh.
But being the perfect Pollyanna I think "Well, I have to go back to the store to return the green anyway, so I'll just return both together. No big deal."
I leave the pink in the car, next to the green, next to all the loose packaging and receipts. Drive around for a day. Wednesday, the cleaning woman is coming back. I'll let her know that I'm getting new hooks and not to bother with the shower liner, I'm replacing it with the hooks.
Wednesday she calls. Late. And cancels. Not the first time. There's a crisis with her daughter. Her daughter has been lying. Also not the first time. Drama ensues. I offer to "talk" to the daughter. She eagerly accepts. Daughter is dropped off, we talk, two hours later, daughter gets into my car to be driven home.
"Just move those to the back seat" I say.
"Oh pretty" she says. "New shower curtain hooks?"
"Yes, mine broke"
And no sooner had the words crossed my lips, she drops them to the ground. Bending swiftly, she puts them on the back seat. "They didn't break" she assures me.
"No problem" I say.
Home she is driven. Out of the car she pops, and in her mother comes. Chit chat ensues. Ellie has been a trouper but starts vocalizing her displeasure. I decide to sit in the back for the dramatic denouement to the "talk" ordeal. So does the cleaning lady slash mother.
"Oh," she says "You got new hooks"
"Yes" I said.
She moves them slightly to the side. Then sits on them.
I hear a crack. I pretend it's the packaging.
I ignore it. I'm returning it all anyway, it'll be fine.
Last night I clean out the car. I bring all the miscellany in to reassemble it. I find the receipts. I put it on the coffee table to look at today. Then I go on ebay. I should have just bought the damn hooks there in the first place. They aren't there but another set is. They are $9 and $5 plus for shipping. $15 Buy It Now. I bid, win, and buy.
I am $35 into shower curtain hooks. Plus the original $1.25. And the extra snow hat.
"So you're getting those " Doug says over my shoulder.
"Yep" I say embarrassed.
"Good" and as he walks away I swear I see him shaking his head.
3pm today. Ellie has had massive diarrhea for two days. I've been chained to the house. Finally we are all set to go out. This is it. My one hour to run an errand. She's fed, napped, clean, and I'm going to, you guessed it, TARGET! I gather the boxes. Place the pink hooks in a pleasant pattern. Slide back into the box. It fits. I pick up the green leaves, I pick up the torn box. I fit it symmetrically in. And then I squint.
One of the ceramic leaves is broken in two. Completely. Only 1 out of the 12 irreparably damaged, yet rendering all useless. There's no returning it now. And all I can think of is this: "That lying bitch or her inept mother broke my goddamn hooks"
I actually stopped typing after the sentence above, walked my barefoot arse ouside, and crouched on the ground like Columbo. And there they were, leaf fragments. Next to the car, where my cleaning woman's daughter assured me they didn't break.
So now I've got one set to go back, one set broken, one set on the way, a dirty bathroom and a burning hatred for both the cleaning woman and her daughter.
I also subconsciously realize that it doesn't pay to be an environmentalist.
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