It's Always 5 O'clock somewhere

So I had this idea – way before I was ever pregnant. Before Doug, before any of what is now - I had an idea. I always imagined sharing music with my future child. That we’d have, say, every night at EXACTLY 5:03, “music time’ where, no matter what we were doing, we’d sing and dance a song. In my vision, my child would grow up, and be somewhere, and I guess I’d be dead or something because I never imagined me - and my child would look at the clock, it would be 5:03, and my child would say to his/her spouse “when I was growing up, my mother always danced around the table, etc etc ….” And my child would feel very loved.

So then I saw Baby Loves Disco in the Globe. I was PSYCHED! I was pregnant with Ellie and knew, once she was born, an older, that we’d sign up for something like this. Then, several months ago, I saw it again. Dates through April. Hey, Ellie was turning one in April. Hmmm. It was January but better to be prepared. They sell out quickly….

So online I went and tickets I bought. The plan was, originally, for it to be a birthday party. I was going to have the grandparents (all 6) my neice, my other neice, my cousin and her kids, sorted respective parents, and 2 girlfriends with their children, Kim and Barbara. There 20. Then I started thinking about Doug’s two friends, so I invited them as well. I knew I was going to have more people then tickets but I also knew not everyone would make it.

Time passes. I start rethinking. My mother and father where? For how long? Doug’s parents can’t come up. Ok. I start hanging around with Jess. Hmm. Maybe I can turn it into more of a mommy party? I split my list and quasi disinvite half. I figure I’ll invite more people as I get to know more people. More time passes. Barbara is going to Ireland. My brother cancels. Doug’s friend accepts, then declines. I’m playing ticket catch up. I’m trying to invite folks I think will fit, but can’t invite too may because my outstanding invites are tbd.

And on and on it goes. It’s a pain in the ass and I want to scrap it and resell the tickets but I’ve committed to a couple of people who appear to really be looking forward to it. I decide to publicize it as a non birthday party. The truth is, it just wasn’t that meaningful to me any longer. I wasn’t really all that interested anymore, in the three months since I started it, Ellie’s gotten more personable, more interesting, more lively and frankly, we have our own fun.

But - finally, we end up with a workable group. I’m happy with the numbers, the combination is about right, I have goody bags, I haven’t invested that much emotion in it, it’s not representative of Ellie’s birthday, it’s just a thing. I think we’ll sing to her b/c it’s fun, but other then that, I’m ok with just going. And it’s cake. It’s easy. We go to a wedding, we sleep in (till 7:30am…whoo whoo) Doug picks up Ellie, we quick change-er-ooo, off we go. I don’t even “dress”. I throw on jeans ad a sweater and Ellie gets the same. It takes us under 20 minutes door to door to get there.

And
Can I just tell you?

I fucking hated it.

Honest to god.

Now don’t get me wrong, I didn’t have a bad time per se. It was good to see Joey & Dawna, I felt like Mike and AnnMarie had a good time - the girls certainly did, Michelle is amazingly good to us, Julia is so sweet tempered, Jess and Pete traveled all the way down, and dressed Emily in party clothes. I saw Kim, and Kim etc. I like the people. I even love some of the people. But seriously? Seriously? What a colossal fucking waste of time.

Ok, there was a room. Yes. And Kids. Yup. And toys. And food. Downstairs there was disco. But overall? Our playgroup is better. Honestly. The toys are the same, but the parents are better behaved.

I mean, honestly, some of these parent descended on the buffet line like the were giving out love.

And, for the money, it was financially fair. They had a TON of child friendly food, free drinks, and nothing ever ran dry. They had vendors, balloons, some props and a DJ. From a production point of view, no one was making a huge profit there either. They rented the space, had to staff it, clean it, they provided toys, got a dj, then the labor cost of loading in, food prep, parking for the volunteers. It was not "a rip off" - in fact, the value for the spend was more then reasonable.

BUT.
And I say this with all due respect
BUT.
It was both poorly executed and unimaginative.

Really. I mean, if I wanted Ellie to sit on the floor and play with toys, and interact with other kids...well, I'd have just waited until Monday.

I thought that it was going to be interactive. Structured. Maybe some line dances. Announcements. A mime. Whatever.

But what it really was was playgroup with snacks.
No shit.
We do this every week.
Some weeks twice.

So what I finally figured out - tired and hungover and bitchy with tooth pain as I may be - and perhaps with some condescension.

It was for mommy's and daddy's who work. If you work all week, and you don't go to Wee Listeners and Circle Time and Lap Sit and Sing-a-Long, and drop-ins and Little Gym. If you don't get a chance to interact with other kids, other moms. If you otherwise wouldn't have this opportunity elsewhere - it was valuable. You might have enjoyed yourselves. You might have been astonished at the stimuli.

But, if you are a former professional event planner who happens to be good friends with two very involved, interactive, co-mommys - and you go go go...well, you came home from this event thinking - at least I can cross THIS off my list of things to do before I die.

Never again.

bad idea

dont go to a wddding the night before your daughters birthday and drink from the neverending cup of wine. seriously. it was like some religious parable where the wine kept getting replenished.

conservatively? id say it was at least 21 ww points.

this wedding is also going to cost them a fortune.

Disappointed Housewives

I was so excited when I got the mail today. I saw the back of a glossy, saddle stitched publication. I thought it was the newest issue of Star.

It was Doug's Economist.

No pictures either.

Bummer

Networking the Printer & when Husbands add value by touching your print job

debbeblue (10:44:42 PM): hi xoxo
dsbcam (10:45:21 PM): hi it seems to have gotten stuck
debbeblue (10:45:57 PM): really?? rats It was working just a minute ago.
debbeblue (10:46:12 PM): you know, before you TOUCHED IT
debbeblue (10:48:07 PM): wow. you sound annoyed up there
debbeblue (10:48:15 PM): maybe you shouldn't have touched it
debbeblue (10:48:23 PM): in case I didnt say anything before
debbeblue (10:48:27 PM): hee hee hee hee hee
dsbcam (10:49:22 PM): think it worked
debbeblue (10:49:31 PM): wow
debbeblue (10:49:41 PM): you must have touched it some MORE
dsbcam (10:49:53 PM): try again
debbeblue (10:50:04 PM): i did
debbeblue (10:50:13 PM): stop banging it - she's sleeping
debbeblue (10:50:48 PM): do you need me to come up?
debbeblue (10:51:09 PM):
dsbcam (10:51:12 PM): yes

Seven minutes of 'I just don't understand why you touched it in the first place...

debbeblue (10:58:08 PM): is it printing
dsbcam (10:58:18 PM): not yet
debbeblue (10:58:55 PM): ok, now?
dsbcam (10:59:06 PM): no
debbeblue (10:59:40 PM): will you tell me if it does?
dsbcam (10:59:49 PM): yes

twenty minutes of my reseting the paper. Reconfiguring the margins. Fixing the feeder. quasi arguing with hubby. I go downstairs to print again.

dsbcam (11:19:44 PM): can i unclog the jam
debbeblue (11:20:00 PM): piss off asshole

Age, Motherhood or PMS??

I'm listening to Anne Murray's You Needed Me and I just KNOW Doug is going to come in a rag on me for crying.

Watch, I'll be downloading Karen Carpenter next...

no time left to blog

I have so wanted lately to blog.

I went to visit my friend Cindy, and had tons of clever fodder. On to Jennie's, then to Tony and Missy's and back home again. So many things to note and comment. Then Ellie started changing - crawling, teething. The weather started changing, thus more lake walking. I started spending more time with Jess and her daughter Emily. A playgroup was created, new people to mock.

I mean really, it's frustrating. There's so much to say and so little time to say it. There's no point blogging retroactively. But all that good information...LOST.

Sigh.

It would be a waste to blog on why there is no time to blog.
But that's another prevalent theme.

So I'm just going to dump out what I wanted to blog about.

THINGS I'VE WANTED TO BLOG ABOUT BUT CANNOT
1. My friend Cindy and her ability to be incredibly concise in all communications yet neglected, in her detailed directions, to mention that the Dunkin Donuts I was searching for was not only on the left then take a left to get back to Rt 6...but actually NEXT to the hugest supermarket EVER. Good landmark that. Note to Cindy to mock her later.

2. The bimbo in the bar who stated, in utter and absolute seriousness to Jennie and I , as to why she was canceling her chiropractic sessions..."I mean really, who has $250 dollars up front to pay for 10 doctors visits."
Um, I do. Jennie? Yep. Me too.

3. How good my manicure came out. Really. Looks nice.

4. The fact that my sister and my friend Kim are both successfully doing Weight Watchers. Honestly. I - HEART - WW. So, not jealous or competitive, but I need to do the same. If they can do it, working full time, with kids, and busy schedules - I should too. Which leads me to the story of my driving through DD to get a coffee roll (damn Anna) and ordering two, in separate bags, b/c I was so embarrassed to be ordering one at a drive up.

5. My basement. I'm still clearing it out but I love my My Tiny Virtual Yardsale site. http://my-tiny-virtual-yardsale.blogspot.com/

6. The fact that Ellie can say "Baby". I looked at Doug and said "But we never call her that, where does she hear it." In the end, we realized that she's repeating the punchline to a joke.

7. The irony fact that my husband and good college friend Craig have identical Crate & Barrel wine racks. Ours is being used to house our laundry detergent, Craig's for his children's mittens and soccer shoes.

8. That my almost contracted for babysitter decided to raise her rates 30%. Doug thought this would be a good time to teach her an Economics Lesson. It's called "Supply & Demand". We don't need her that much, she outpriced herself, we're giving her less work. Yeah Doug for being a hardass.

9. The fact that our state taxes have been done for 3 months and I had to file them the night of the 15th at the prepostage machine because Doug REFUSED to give the IRS the money and earlier. (We got back on Federal so don't worry Michelle...) I also called my mother because I saw a creepy man as I walked in and thought it best to be on the phone with someone. So I actually used a negative to make a positive. A Brownie point positive.

10. I nominated my mother and I for What Not to Wear. Likely NOT going to be a positive but what are ya gonna do, right?

11. I went to a baby shower - and wasn't jealous or anything! I thought I'd be upset b/c we never had one, because no one ever saw me pregnant...but instaed I was glad not to be in her shoes starting over.

12. I have a Ritz cracker problem. Seriously. Every week I make fish and every week Doug will eat it - ONLY if it has "toppings". So I used about 10 ritz crackers, with butter, and a little garlic powder. The problem is, I compulsively want the crackers. I'll crave them. I'll walk through the house jonesing for them. They are on my mind like an alcoholic with a sip of wine left in a glass. It provokes anxiety. I heart these crackers. I want them now in fact. So each week, after I make fish, I have to send the box to work with Doug. I can't imagine what it looks like under his desk. It's likely like looking in your fathers closet after he dies and finding 17 bottles of Brut that you were SURE were a good father's day gift. So - last night - I was driving back from making fish at my dads, I had crackers in the car. I actually thought to myself..."Hmm, I could open this sleeve and eat them all before I get home and no one would know." So I had to call my sister. She had to talk to me until the craving passed.

13. Ellie stood up, hung on to the dresser and started sucking onto the knob.

Why Sentence Structure Is So Important, a joke solely for Cindy from Michelle b/c Cindy is a grammatical freak

The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Gina or Jack.

It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Gina came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said:

"Gina, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit."

My Submission for What Not To Wear

Names & Ages:
Mother: Rosemarie, age 60 (youthful 60!)
Daughter: Deborah, age 38 (blessed with youthful mom's genetics)
alternate Daughter
Michelle, age 40

Sizes:
Mother: unknown. Should be a 16 or tailored 18. Insists on squeezing into a 14. Looks uncomfortable! Wears pantyhose under shorts to look slimmer, help help help!
Daughter: Former 4/6, now 11 months after the birth of her first child, a basic 8 (Ann Taylor), a vanity 6 (gap/banana), or an upscale boutique 10. Wears Old Navy Yoga pants with a vengeance.

alternate Daughter: Size unknown, likely 26. Medical condition forced a weight gain and then defeated by years of gaining, different meds, etc she gave up trying to keep her smaller figure and gained more. Now attending WW she's lost 10 lbs in her first 4 weeks and she's feeling SASSY! She shops exclusively at Lane Bryant but likely would get a lift from new hair and color advice! (She's cute as a button , a three - fer could be just the thing! )

Location:
Boston

Contact Info:
Deborah Butler
14 Auburn Street
Wakefield, MA 01880
617-686-6801

Reason
Actually, my mother and I both, as a rule, look generally attractive. We have a good sense of color, and style - and both buy relatively reasonably priced items that are well made . Both of us are 5'2" with curvy builds - so neither of us are afraid of a tailor! My mother has better calves, I'm (obviously) thinner all over. We both are frequently thought of as up to 10 years younger. Both are conventionally pretty, both of us present with a softer, classic look. (Alt Sister Michelle does as well)

For practical reasons - my mother would be a terrific candidate as she is starting to date herself in terms of a wardrobe. As an older woman, her store choices are limited. And, as she ages, she's thickening. She's now a low plus size but cannot find a way to creatively dress herself. She continues to insist on Talbots stretch slacks and knit sweaters in a size medium. Her rational is that she is "a petite" but instead she looks uncomfortably sausaged in her clothes. Her figure could look beautifully stylish but instead, she wears pants tapered to down to her white sneakers (Argh!) (or worse, her naturalizer round toe flats). If stirrup pants were still available, she'd own a bakers dozen. Her hair is cut well, but she's committed to a suburban salon, where the stylist insists on frosting through a cap. So her short hair, instead of looking sassy with a honey hue, instead looks brittle with an ash nimbus. Her eyes are green, and GORGEOUS but she wears blue eyeshadow and an unfortunate shade of rose lipstick...because the same suburb has a Este Lauder makeup woman who thinks woman "need color"! She also, lately, has been attending the Boca school of jewelry wearing. Gold... with a ring, bracelet or necklace on every limb and digit. She is, by anyones standards, an attractive woman but with professional help, would like a beautiful woman.

For emotional reasons, I think she's an even better candidate. My mother grew up with little money in veteran's projects (public housing) in the 50's and 60's. Just twenty when her mother died, she was pregnant with her third of four children. My father divorced her at 24, leaving her with four children under the age of 6. She never had the money or time to devote to herself but she always looked carefully groomed and attractive. And, although she raised all four children (alone!) in public housing, instead of being a welfare mother, she worked full time - and insisted on good grades, respect, and approriate manners and presentation from each of us. In her thirties, she remarried - and has taken up golf, bowling, bike riding and is an avid Notre Dame fan. She has a lovely home and a loving 20 plus year marriage to a husband who still adores her. Unfortunately, no matter how far she has come, she still at times lives in the shadow of the old days. While she should be suberbly confident anywhere she goes (she's bright, she travels , she looks well bred, she has pretty mannerisms!) she is easily intimidated by those who "present" better - so she avoids going to certain places or types of events. Place her in front of a woman with a chic bob, or chunky jewelry, or tailored trousers and you can visibly see her get anxious. To compensate, she'll only buy the expensive items at major stores because she automatically assumes they are "better" and wants to present as someone who is "not poor". Instead of trusting her innate and terrific sense of style, she allows herself to be led by anyone in a position of presumed authority. ie sales clerks, makeup associates, hairdressers. It's heartbreaking to see her buying things that don't work, don't look right, aren't her taste or style because she doesn't trust herself and she assumes others, who are confident in their style, know more then she does. If someone could show her how beautiful she could be - dressed as HERSELF - not a Talbots manniquin or a Martha's Vineyard J Crew mom - but as short, pretty, Italian woman, well, we'd all be grateful. She deserves it.

Reason for me? Heck. Less then two years ago I was an unmarried event planner for a major financial company, size 4, with heels over 3 inches, fabulous boots and , if not enviable, certainly quasi-sexy figure. After a crazy, some say arduous, pregnancy (over 1/2 of it on strict, left lying, partial hospitalization bedrest) eleven months later I'm a SAHM with a bigger butt, and baby snot on my sleeve selling my old wardrobe on ebay ($90 for an old Ann Taylor houndstooth thank you very much!). I live in a fleece jacket of my husbands that I wouldn't be caught dead in before and my pocketbook is a diaper bag from TJ Maxx. Prior to having Ellie (my sweet baby!) I had an income of my own and far more confidence when shopping. Now, I live on my husband's income, so I stress daily about whether I really "need" clothes. I buy, leave it in the bag, then return. I also never - EVER - wore flats. Buying Mommy shoes requires an entirely different approach. Sadly, I'm also still prancing around with my impractical, too long "bar hair" (i.e long, sidepart and wavy) and it is in a permanent ponytail with headband. I don't feel ugly or lazy but I definitely feel like the two years away from the downtown shopping and lifestyle, and one year as a mommy, have made me look, sigh, I guess you New Yorkers say "bridge and tunnel". The emotional reasons I'd like one? After such a crazy pregnancy (planned but premarital) my fiancé and I decided that we had had enough drama and secretly eloped (Nov 07) vs. having a "real" wedding. I don't regret not having a wedding, a reception, or bridesmaids and fanfare...but, with all my heart, I really wanted a picture of my husband and I and our daughter, frozen in time, when we were/are all so very happy. I'd had the idea to hire a professional photographer in lieu of a wedding, to follow us for one day (her birthday in fact) and shoot candids. Well, that day is coming - and honestly, I just don't want to document forever what a has-been I look like. I want to look as beautiful outside as my feelings for my husband and daughter make me feel inside.

The Reason

The reason you're overweight is...because you don't eat right and exercise.
The reason your house is disorganized is...you aren't organizing it.
The reason people don't call you is...because you need to dial out sometimes.
The reason people don't respect you...is because you don't respect them.

It's simple really.

$7

My church flea market find.
Seriously.
We've spent more on coffee.