Withholding

Did you ever talk to someone you know fairly well, and that person is telling you an simple, innocuous story about something they did/saw/bought with someone else (socially, casually, not bury a body or anything) and they substitute the name for the person they were with (a person you know) with the words "a friend" or "a person I know" or what have you?


"So...did you ever sell your toybox?"
"Oh yeah, I sold it to a friend of mine. It worked out great."


and two days later you see the person they sold it to and you know them really well and they mention said toybox as if you should already know about it. Why wouldn't you just say "Oh yeah, Paula ended up buying it"?

Like, I understand it sometimes. For example, I tend to say "I went and got a pedicure with my dad's wife" but I really mean Laurie. I generally don't say "Laurie" because I'm not sure if everyone knows who Laurie is by name, or which Laurie I am referring too if we have a Laurie in common. But I still qualify the relationship "With my dads wife" to which the person might actually say "Oh, you mean Laurie". Or say I'm talking to someone who has SERIOUS ill will with another person and I know about it. Like my brothers ex and present wife. I tend not to say to the ex that I'm having dinner with the present. Not because they'd be angry, I just don't need to bring up one person's name to the other. I get it those times.

Or let's say your escorting your good buddy for a aids test, to pick up her crabs medication or to visit her incarcerated cousin. I think saying "a friend" is eminently appropriate there.

But what is sort of, well, weird, is when say I'm talking to a person who is doing something WHOLLY independent of me ie selling their car, going apple picking, whatever - with or to someone I know of, peripherally or otherwise, and have no ill will towards (or they towards me) and it's something I have no expectation of ever joining in on (don't needs apples or a car) - and the storyteller randomly neglects to qualify the date, the plan, the relationship, whatever.

And does it ALL the time. It's just really weird.
Are they being secretive? Withholding? Duplicitous? Are they thinking that somehow you'll be consumed with envy? With spite? I can't fathom the motivation. Are they protecting the other persons privacy? Is the toy box purchase a secret?

I just don't get it. It's seems sorta...I dunno...distrustful.

Survey Says...

So we were laying on the bed in Ellie's room, keeping Ellie company as we tried for an early bedtime (Little Miss "I Didn't Take a Nap All Day" was bouncing around and whacked her eye black and blue thank you very much when left to her own devices)

And because the TV in Ellie's room is uber oldschool (read: 33 inches and boxy) well, I guess we both feel like we can only watch 4, 5 & 7.

So on come Celebrity Family Feud.
Seriously, no kidding.
I wanted to see the Kardashians. It's like slowing down to see an accident.

Anyway, all this is commentary for WHY the following conversation could have been overheard over the babymonitor...

The question put to 100 people was:
If a men made a deal with the devil, what is he most likely to ask for...Top 4 answers on the board. name something a man would ask for if he made a deal with the devil...

think about it...think about it...don't just read on...

ok, my first answer was hair. followed by a bigger penis. Doug didn't comment.
We saw several of Ed McMahon's family blow the answer. Then Doug looks at me with this GLEAMING little boy look... I swear it's the same look Ellie gets when she see cheese...

"Superpowers" he said. "Yeh. Superpowers."

Sigh...

(btw - the answers were, in this order: Money, Immortality, Women/Sex, and Power) No one got the fourth. I never even thought of Money. Doug and I both wondered, aloud, yet separately, which is why we are so right for one another...If you made a deal, your soul for immortality, when exactly would the devil collect?)

I saw a sign yesterday for Annie.
You know, "Annie"? The sun'll come out tomorrow...etc??
Annie.

Starring Sally Struthers.

Really.

My first thought was
"what a come down"
followed by a dialing to my father, who, had he answered, would have heard me ask
"Do you think its for the love of theater or is Sally struggling for cash?"

I told Doug over dinner, and he asked which part.
"Missus Hannigan" Well, duh.

Then I proceeded to bore him with the entire repertoire from "We'd Like to thank you Herbert Hoover" all the way to "I think I'm gonna like it here". My story ended with the climax of "The Note" being revealed as "The Jig Is UP". Then I wondered, is it possible that a preteen could watch Annie today and get it? Do they know what the depression even was? What an orphanage is? Do they even still HAVE orphanages? Oh, and if that guy that sampled "Its a hard knock life" into his song ever did anything else?

Doug was charmingly interested until I remembered that Doug's particular forte is looking alert while ignoring someone. I mentioned that all little girls should see Annie and he wished me a good time. With my sister and niece.

And thanks to the magic of Google I now know that Jay-Z sampled it. And I think he's doing fine so I guess that ends THIS post.

I got out of the shower last night, pre Wednesday date, and lay on our freshly made bed. My back and legs have been sore.., largely, a result on not walking the lake. My attitude, also sore, for the same reason.

I lay on the beg, bringing my knees up, under my chin with my hand in prayer pose under my head (the weight of my body pushing into my shoulders) I'm sure it a yoga pose, and I'm certain its an Ellie pose and I'm positive its making my body feel better.

My husband walks in. Looks at me.
And says:

"I love how you fold up so compactly" he pats my back as he walks by.
"Thanks" I chirp. Internally beaming. Maybe I'm NOT such a fat ass.
"I bet you could fit into a steamer trunk" he continues.

I make a murmering sound. Contemplating. I don't want to be vain, but maybe I could. There was that time back in the day when Heather fit me into the UPS box at work. I used to be super flexible.

Still pondering it, something occurs to me.
A little something called Jimmy Stewart and Grace Kelly in Rear Window.

"Hey" I exclaim. Why would I need to fit into a steamer trunk???"
Doug kisses me on the forehead.
"Or maybe that purple Rubbermaid one? I bet you could fit into that big one we have" his voice fading as he walks out of the bedroom..."I wouldn't even need a hacksaw."

You know you already are my obsession...

I think it's biological imperative. Once you have a baby your pheromones go away. No need to procreate, thanks, i got me one.

I like sex. In fact, some might even say I was pretty damn good at it. Not, you know LOTS of some, just some.

But today, in a conversation with my pharmacist, I realized how far I've come.

Metaphorically.

OBviously.

"So I'm really not sure what the issue is. I should have 3 packs left. I called for a refill and the recording says it wasnt possible. Ohhh. Yes. Uh huh. Right. Thats' right. No. I forgot. I mean I had some old ones in a prior pack so I just took those. Yeah. No, I didn't. I messed those up because I was substituting from the pack before. Yeah. Im a little off. No, no, I mean I have enough actually. I can just cobble together a pack from all the ones I've missed in the last packs. What? Oh no. laughing uproariously. Good LORD no. Please. He wishes. Nah, I'm not too worried about that. My husband would be delighted to hear you say it but I think we're all set."

What you didn't hear was that the pharmacist was trying to explain to me what to use as backup contraceptive.

I politely informed her that I had a 14 month old, and after she finished laughing, we both pleasantly hung up.

chortle chortle.

My Funny Husband

OBSCURE HUSBAND REFERENCE #1
Dinner tonight:
Vine tomatoes with balsamic and basil from the plants outside
fresh romaine with croutons and dressing
shucked corn on the cob
Nathans hotdogs.
Good old reliable Nathans.
Or is that too obscure?
Anyway..

Husband: This corn is REALLY good.
Wife aka Me: I KNOW. Honestly. It's awesome. gesticulates wildly with ear $.49 each
Husband: huh. Half a pirate*.

OBSCURE HUSBAND REFERENCE #2
At 4th of July Parade. 5 Native Americans march by.
Husband: waves. sotto voice. Thanks for the land!!!

OBSCURE HUSBAND REFERENCE #3
My friend having trouble with her coowners...
Wife: I had the best conversation today with Shannon. We were joking about my being Jew-lite and she summed it up perfectly. Instead of my saying "I'm short, dark haired and loud, I'll be adding articulate and neurotic. So descriptive!"
Husband: Wait a minute. She's Jewish? There's 3 people on the mortgage and no paperwork drawn up? What the hell kind of a Jew is she?

*Half a pirate. Buccaneer. Buck an Ear. $.49. Half. Get it?

Toys for Depressants

Is it me or would it be really funny to have a Tickle Me Emo doll. Like, the doll could just whine "Noooo, stop it. It's not funnnny..."

eBayatch

Selling and Managing Your Item > eBay selling account fees > Request a listing fee credit or refund (sellers)

Item number(s):
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Message: Hi. I recently listed 4 items. For the 2nd, 3rd & 4th, I used the List Similar Items feature as well as the "look up item info" using the bar code feature.

As I listed each item, I changed the "3-5 word" header and the individual content(via bar code and adding item description). I proofed, then submitted. After submitting, the item listed as only partially correct. The subject line reverted to the original listings subject line and the item description only partially prepopulated - giving an accurate description but keeping the original postings header. After several attempts to edit on own, I contacted liveChat to indicate I think there might be some - and excuse me for not knowing the proper vernacular - coding issue. I am unable to edit the content out of the listing, nor does it appear in the edit screen. It ONLY appears when being viewed. I requested that either the live chat associate assist with revising or delete and I would relist - but that I didn't want to incur a fee. (Wasn't user error!) After over 40 minutes a very polite but quasiclueless associated advised that she couldn't identify my issue, that I should end the auction early, and that I would not get a refund.

So I'm writing to you to both A) ask you to look into the issue i.e Am I, in fact, a donkey? And B) Issue me a refund. If not for the sheer fact that the tool didn't work properly then for the fact that it took a good two hours of my day to list a bunch of cheapie items and it took 40 minutes for livechat to inform me that I couldn't be helped.

thank you