Why Justine Needs to Work Less - subtitled About Me but Learn the Lesson!! :o)

Justine – ok, when was the last time your boss came over for coffee on the weekend? Went grocery shopping for you? Tucked you in when you were sick?

It's a JOB. I know to the ethical hardworking side of all of us feels that we need to do our best. We do, but not at the expense of ourselves. You need to learn that sometimes giving 80% IS your best. There are many times when I know that I am capable of doing something better. I’m capable of having an immaculate house, of having a perfect body, of doing 100% error free work. But at what cost? I spent many many years trying to be perfect. And you know what? I was. I was 121 pounds at 33, I had a fabulous job – that I worked until 11pm for – and I had great clothes, cash in the bank, a cute place. And no life. I had friends whose calls I was too busy to return and weekends I’d fall asleep on Saturday b/c I was so exhausted. I’d miss my nephews games, I’d be a beyatch to my mom when she called, I never took my niece shopping. I looked down to tie my proverbial shoe and 4 years later I looked up and my friends had moved on. They had houses, kids, taken trips. Oh sure, I was super smug because I was 100% debt free and living this “perfect” disciplined life. No black olives ever past my lips, I didn’t smoke, I was the “golden girl” at work. I socialized but even whilst having fun I was checking email, carrying my blackberry. I did PERFECT work. And you know what doing perfect work gets you?? No help, and more work. Finally I looked at my life, my boss, my relationships and said “So, now that I’m perfect – what has it gotten me?” Everyone counts on me, everyone adores me and yet whenever I asked to be LESS perfect, whenever I said “Hey, can we NOT do this? Or Hey can I take a pass on that” folks were UP IN ARMS. It was awful. I wanted so badly to not have all this crazy work but I needed all the reinforcement of being “perfect”. So I spent ANOTHER year fighting myself and everyone else. I gained 12 pounds in rebellion, I took a leave of absence, I fired some crap friends and found a therapist/life coach. I was in tears in her office wailing “Why can’t I do this right?? Why can’t I just go along to get along? And why – when I used to be so perfect, and I F*n up so bad! And she looked at me – and smiled and laughed! She said “Well, the reason you can’t rebel gracefully is because you’ve never done it before. It takes practice. You feel like your flailing but it’s only because this is the first time you’ve stood up for yourself” and she was right. So ungainly as it’s been, and as foolish as I have been, I’m practicing being less perfect. I’m practicing “letting go” and it’s so FREAKIN HARD!

All the work you are doing, all the self punishment is about wanting to be perfect. Or at least not have others find reason to find fault with you. And once you allow yourself to be less then perfect in all aspects of your life, you’ll find things come easier to you. Those "let go, let god" people actually have a point! (Not that it has to be god btw…)

So that all happened now about two years ago. I'm still carrying 9 pounds, my house is messier, I still don't return calls but you know what, I don't agonize about things anymore. I'm not perfect. Q'uell surprise.

Bye Bye Blog!

Thanks for reading, and participating. I've decided to take the blog down, just not enough action and interaction to sustain folks! Oh we'll, we tried, just busy we are.

Have a great rest of the summer.

What's a mother to do???

Reading you latest blog dear debbieblue, I can see why you would be beside yourself seeing a baby about to fall out of a window as you read about happening much too often these warm summer days. You did exactly what you should have done and there is one more thing to do but do not expect any thanks for doing it. You need to knock on that door once again and tell that baby's Mom what you saw and how scared you were for her baby's safety and be prepared to be ticked off if the Mother takes offense at your interference in her child raising techniques. Now maybe you will be lucky and the Mom will thank you profusely for saving her baby's life but she may well be quite defensive about her stupidness and carelessness with regard to her child's safety and get very defensive and nasty. However, in good conscience you must tell her what you saw and ask her to please keep that window closed and/or put bars on it in the future. I once had the experience of a young toddler pushing her way through a double sets of doors and getting caught in the middle of them and almost getting trampled and all I did was give her mother a concerned look and the Mother was so incensed by that that she turned around and told me, "Don't you dare look at me like that! She is my kid and not yours!" I was shocked to say the least that she was so damn defensive about her stupidity but felt very sorry for that poor child who most certainly was "an accident waiting to happen!" However, even knowing that, I would still try very hard to talk to that Mom in person and urge her to get that window fixed before something really bad happens. You might get rebuffed but you will have done your best to prevent a real tragedy. For all you know, that Mom might be stressed to the max and not thinking clearly and needs some real help to cope with her life. Your knock on her door might actually be the wake up call she needs to get her act together. GOOD LUCK!

Terrified

So we are driving to work this morning and I look up at a house across the road. 2nd floor, but maybe third b/c the house is on a steepish incline and I think the front of the house is 3 floors but you see two from the side. And I see a babies head in the window. In front of a screen. On the second floor. Poised as if crawling but I can only see hands and a head pressing the screen. I literally cry out "OH MY GOD, there's a baby in the window."

Doug turns the car around in this very slow plodding methodical way and I am BURNING to open the door. "Oh my god, oh my god" I'm chanting - OUT LOUD. It's a minute and feels like a thousand years. We turn around and I look up. The "baby" is about 19 months and he is now STANDING in the window, pushing on the screen, trying to fiddle with the top, full body pressed to the screen, STANDING IN THE WINDOW.

I am now racing towards the house. I call up, but not in a panic voice, "Get back from the window, honey, get down" real calm like - and I'm now at the door. I start ringing the bell, knocking FIRMLY on the door. RING, knock, knock, ring. . .
NOTHING. I look at Doug, "is he still in the window" Doug's standing back so he can react. "Yes"

I start pounding pounding on the door so I think my hand is going to break. Now I'm losing it. No ones opening up. "Hello, hello" I'm calling out "HELLO" "THE BABIES IN THE WINDOW"

Truly so frigging horrific I want to freak out. I'm ready to CLIMB on the roof. We start looking for ways to get up. There's a wire fence and concrete. We can't get any closer. If the window goes, we can't catch him because there's a peaked porch under and he could go any one of three ways.

I am now pounding and ready to run around to the front to look for another door. Anything. Then I see Doug lift his hand.

"Ok, oh, ok, we were just afraid he was going to fall out" and then that was it. Someone came in the room, and got the baby out of the window. I looked up and no one was there. And then we left. I asked Doug, "What happened" and he said "I saw a hand snake out and grab him"

And now I am so freaked out it's not funny. Whoever she was, Doug said she was a blond woman, whoever she was didn't see his little body bowing the screen out. Is she going to get railings? bars? Does she know that if we weren't out there pounding, and if she hadn't come in to look out the window, that he likely could have fallen? I wanted to cry. I don't know what to do. I mean, I want to assume it scared her and that shne'll take action - but how do I know? Nor do I want to call the poilice b/c that's not fair if it was an honest to goodnedss he slipped out for a SECOND. Mom's - what do I do??? Is it an honest accident or do I leave a note saying anything? What would you do?