Our pregnancy has been both difficult and high risk since conception. No one knows why. It’s possible I had issues pre and we never looked b/c I was never “trying”.
So – the long, why I am here - excepted from diary...
I felt great until week 6, and then I had bright bleeding (more then light spotting). After having had a miscarriage in 2003, I resigned myself to the “what will be, will be” thought process. And of course after my Dr.’s nurse (of whom I was NOT a big fan, I confess) also gave me the “Its nature’s way of dispelling a bad pregnancy” pep talk. (Rest assured, I’ve been with this practice for 11 to 12 years so this is not my pregnancy dislike of said nurse, but a long standing growing dislike…I’m sorry to say.) Anyway, the spotting happened a few hours after intercourse so we thought “hmm, maybe we shouldn’t…???” We go to the Dr, they confirm the pg. My doctor suggests a single week of rest – couch rest, she says, not necessarily bed but to lay low and no exercise save for walking. So that’s what we do. We are still careful. She says it’s not b/c of the s*x but we decide to avoid it anyway. Then I start to experience the Worst Morning Sickness Ever – lasts all day until about week 12 but I digress…
After every assurance that we could have s*x, 3 weeks later, we carefully try again – week 10. The next day, about 14 hours later, I’m speed walking (b/c stupid babycenter.com makes you feel like a moose if you are not doing Pilates while eating flax and bananas) – and I’m rounding my second mile when WHOOSH, I start pouring blood. Down my legs, saturating bleeding. Off to the ER. I’m not at my “good” hospital but the local “let me fix your broken arm” hospital instead. They are surprised to find the baby on the U/S. I’m told we possibly had a second pg, a twin, owing to the amount of blood and that I have some blood clots still that should resolve. My dr requests I be transferred by ambulance to the “good” hospital and they essentially tell me the same. My cervix is closed, so go home, couch/bed rest 2 weeks. Home I go, rest two weeks. At this point, I can’t fall in love with the baby. I’m having nightmares every night, I wake up panic stricken, I feel moisture, think its blood. I can’t sleep, I cry at night. I hate being pregnant, I hate not being able to feel good. Of course we have the mildest fall on record and im too sick, and too immobile to enjoy it. Argh!
So we wait. 3 more weeks. We go to the Dr on Nov 27 – and have our first “big” ultrasound. We are week 13, and all is good. Wow! So we start to feel safe. We are past the first trimester and ON OUR WAY! That Friday night we go away with friends to celebrate. I’m just beginning a bump and we are on our first date in over 5 weeks. Very happy romantic time. There are candles, and twinkly lights – it’s Dec in New England and we are in this gorgeous restaurant having a 3 hour dinner. We are SO in love. We go back to the house to sleep, and wake up the next day and just hold each, happy, "in the predawn light". The drs have all assured us that this is ok, that we are totally safe. I stand up to go to the bathroom - and blood is pouring again. I can barely make it to the bathroom. Then we start losing chunks of tissue. 40 minutes to closest hospital. I have now bled through my pants and the towel. ER again. Collection hat in bathroom. There we lose about a hands width of tissue plus. The ER nurse is fairly certain it’s a miscarriage and she holds the tissue for analysis. Back to U/S. Hey! The baby is still there. My placenta is pulled from the side of the uterine wall and huge clots are formed behind it. we have two areas of separation and it looks iffy. We are given the bedrest talk, along with the “50% chance” talk. The Dr won’t make eye contact. More crying. That’s Dec 2. I stay on the couch until Dec 18 or so. I hate the baby at this point b/c im sure its not going to live. Crying of course b/c I can’t do Christmas for my nieces and nephews, b/c we don’t have a tree, b/c it’s Doug (my fiancés ) birthday and I can’t bake him a cake. Crying b/c I’m offered contract work at $** an hour that I have to turn down. Crying b/c I spent almost 3 weeks in Nov on the couch and only got to get up a week. Cry cry cry. A month goes by. We are now into January. It’s January 4 and we are back at Dr. My placenta has completely reattached! Wow, it’s a miracle.
But there’s a spot on the heart. So now we have to get an amnio. The directive is to rest again, b/c the placenta separation puts you at higher risk for a miscarriage – that in combo with the amnio. Oh, and by the way, my cervix is a bit short. 2.4. Restricted movement and can I come back in 2 weeks? 2 weeks later, amnio fine- no Downes, but my cervix is shorter still and funneling – it’s 1.6. Take it easy, restricted movement and partial bedrest – sit or lay as much as possible. So I do. Two weeks later it’s .9 still funneling. Total bed rest. We move the furniture downstairs, we hire help…it’s stressful. 2 weeks later - .5. nothing is slowing it down. I have .5 millimeters left before my cervix thins and may dilate. I’m 24 weeks and they hospitalize me.
The baby will not survive if its born. The goal is to get to 32 weeks. Each week carries its own risks. In my drs words, “these next few weeks are critical. If the baby is born, it will be disastrous”. Doug looks it up in ob journals. Theres a a 31% chance of the baby surviving labor and a 90% likelihood of dying by its 85 day after birth. If we can get the baby to 2lbs, it may survive. Maybe. That’s 4 weeks away, with no cervix.
And that was last week. Today we are 25 weeks, and I go to the dr next Friday. I expect by then that my cervix will be gone, and likely dilating. They monitor me for contractions daily, and I expect by the following week, I’ll be upside down in a Trendelenberg bed.
No comments:
Post a Comment