The good thing about having a blog that you didn't send the link to anyone about is that you are free to say, virtually, anything you want. So having prequalified my situation, as follows:
I don't have the monopoly on quote unquote difficult pregnancies. In fact, if you ask me, I seldom say "I had a difficult pregnancy". I generally say some variant of "OMG, we had this ka-razy pregnancy" and gloss over it, or, if I truly want to be candid, I matter of factly say "It was interesting, we had a lot of challenges and it changed the way we think about things. It wasn't what we expected but in the end we were really lucky". Other then a minor meltdown post birth, I seldom, if ever bring up our pregnancy. BUT. It's not like it doesn't lurk in my mind. I mean, oh sure, I don't dwell on it, I mean - who has the time? But does it occur to me that sh*t happened? Yes, it does.
Why do I bring this up. Hmm, well, it has to do with Miss Eleanor's "Prematurity".
For those of you who don't know, sweet Ellie B was born at 34 weeks. Back in February, when the perinatologist said the ideal was 34 weeks, we were devastated. How in the world were we going to make it another 13 weeks. It seemed endless. Day by day I checked off the box on my excel spreadsheet. I ran columns up and down, forward and back. How many days on? How many left? I googled statistics, I read medical journals online, I babycenter'd and Parents.com'd my left-lying days away. I looked up just how likely she was to survive, and, if she survived, how "retarded" she'd be. Excuse me, handicapable and special needs she'd be.
So 34 weeks was the Holy Grail. At 34 weeks, she would be "normal". 34 weeks was almost as good as full term. Practically. 34 weeks was, and still is, a "big" girl.
Friday she was 34 weeks. Friday I went into early stages of Labor. Born Monday, she was - officially - 34 weeks plus 3. After 8 days in the NICU, home she came.
To some she was tiny, but we thought her simply baby sized. After all, they are all pretty small. But she was perfect, and NORMAL - and we treated her as such.
Wheel wheel wheel, out we'd go. "How old is your baby? How much does she weigh? She's so little." Frankly, it was nice. I didn't get a chance to be pregnant in public so it was fun to be out with my newborn. And I answered all the questions. "Oh she's 4 weeks, she's 6 weeks, she's almost 8 weeks." "She's little" they'd say. I'd look at her fondly "I know, but she's growing like a weed." "How much does she weigh?" they'd say. "5 pounds, 6.5 lbs, almost 7 pounds" I'd answer. I knew that people thought she was itty bitty. Eventually, if they continued to marvel at her "wee"-ness, I'd say "Oh, she was born early" and assume that would resolve it.
Whoa Nelly! Who knew?
See, here's what I've learned about her being "early". For some reason her "earliness" sends up a red flag to start the Competitive Baby Experience Discussion. People don't really want to talk about YOUR baby, they want to talk about THEIR baby. And for some reason, THEIR baby experience is like playing poker...
Them: quizzically "Oh she was early?!"
me: "Yes"
Them: aggressively "How early?
me: "She was born at 34 weeks"
Them: dismissively "Oh, my baby was early too. She was almost premature. She missed it by 3 days. She was just over 37 weeks."
me: pausing "Wow, she looks great"
Them: "Yes, she does. She was 7.1/2 lbs at birth and she's almost 12 now"
me: Terrific, she looks good.
Them: "Yes, we were completely surprised. We were due on the 26th but she came on the 8th. I mean, she was fine but she missed the preemie cutoff by days."
The PREEMIE cutoff?
What I really want to say is "I'll see your normal vaginal birth 37 plus week old and raise you a 124 day bedrest, 2 bleeding ER visits, a detaching placenta, 35 days in the hospital and a 30 hours of active labor."
For f*cks sake, as they say in the Irish bars. Your baby is not "ALMOST premature". Being premature isn't something you want, solicit or ask for. I don't even say premature because our baby, at 34 weeks, was BARELY premature herself. We were in the NICU and we saw babies at 2 and 3lbs plus. Now THAT my friend is premature. That is the mom to be prayed for, and to give compassion to. Don't talk to me in the CVS diaper aisle about your "almost premature" baby. Please. The fact that you had a normal pregnancy, that you went fairly close to term, that your fat ass healthy baby came home with you but that you weren't right at 40 weeks does not entitle you to some sort of attention. Your pregnancy is over. Your labor is over. It's not about you. And shut up about how you almost had a premature baby. You didn't. You don't. And you don't have the right to claim any attention as if you did.
Jackass.
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