It was nine feet high and six feet wide...Welcome to My Bed

It was nine feet high and six feet wide
Soft as a downy chick
It was made from the feathers of forty-leven geese
Took a whole bolt of cloth for the tick
Itd hold eight kids n four hound dogs
And a piggy we stole from the shed
We didnt get much sleep but we had a lot of fun
On grandmas feather bed

Ohhhh, welcome to my bed (cue Barry White music)
Arent I sexy with my unwashed hair and my empty container of prune juice?? Aren’t I glowing??

So HELLO! This post is post one. I really wish I had started Day One* b/c already these been some fabulous fodder but unfortunately, I just kept dropping the ball! You’d think with ALL DAY looming in front of me I’d get on the stick. It just goes to show that the exact amount of time you have to do something is truly how long it takes to get it done.

So this post will have to serve as posts retroactively back to Day One. And by Day One, I'm refering to my admittance btw, not the actual conception...which would be an entirely different blog.

It occurs to me, too, that by the time I'm done with my online "diary" I may be friendless. Yepper. You have to understand though that the whole experience is rife with instances that are pretty damn funny and that at one point in time or another, from my perspective, everyone is going to innocently stumble into - what for me - will be a grand opportunity to make a joke. (Or they'll just say something so friggin stupid that the compulsion to repeat it overrides any sense of decency on my part.)

So let me just own in advance my bad behavior. This isn't "Tuesdays with Maurie", I didn't suddenly take to my bed and become more patient. I'm not wearing an angel pin knitting for the mission.

Still me. Still a bitch. Still think I'm funny. But hopefully, that's the beauty of an online blog. It isn't therapy, I don't have to be fair, I don't even have to be reasonable. I only have to be entertaining.

Hell, I may not even spell check.

So read at your own risk. You may see yourself here, thinly disguised or otherwise.

DISCLAIMER:
I hereby acknowledge that it's not nice to make fun of other people. Nor is my glass house reinforced with polycarbonate windows so my exempt status is certainly suspect. I futher acknowledge that karmically I could be soliciting trouble in the form of bad vibes i.e. the power of three returns to me, what goes around...blah blah blah. Please be advised that that is not my intent to hurt or malign anyone. I fully realize that there are a million positive things to discuss and I own freely that I am gratedful for the love and support of so many many people. etc. etc. etc. Michael Row the Boat Ashore etc.

The Beginning of the Emails...Dr Appt Pre-Update

So Doug and I have a Dr appt tomorrow and we’ve hit 24 weeks. If the Dr also feels we are at 24 weeks (I am charted differently in each office) then we move onto Phase II – which is a weekly Fibronectin* test and an appt with a neonatologist**. They will also give me the most updated measurement of my c*rv*x and which will let us know how well we did these first two weeks of hardcore bedrest.

After the appt tomorrow, Michelle or Doug will be driving me home. B/c of the number of you that are concerned, and the amount of phone calls we make after each appointment, please understand that I may not call you directly. You may get an email update, a call from Michelle, or I may not call you until Friday or Saturday. Traditionally, Doug and I don’t come out of these appts well and generally I need a day or two to readjust to whatever news we get. This appointment will be especially difficult for us because we will be having the Fibronectin* test.

If you do not hear from us, be assured that nothing is ‘seriously” wrong…we may just not feel like talking or feel like translating the information. Michelle and Mellisa both have been doing an amazing job of keeping others apprised of the details and that’s something that I both appreciate, as well as find invaluable. If you hear from one of them it’s because it was easier for me to shorthand the conversation to them – knowing their medical & mommy backgrounds. If you do not hear anything, and you call and we do not pick up, we are just taking time to be alone. If something ever were to happen, or if we had news to share, you would hear sooner.
Thanks and we’ll keep you updated.

If you really want the gory details (dad will not so ignore this part):
**What is a Fibronectin Test:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fetal_fibronectin
http://www.marchofdimes.com/professionals/681_1149.asp

Why are we meeting with, and what is a neonatologist?
http://www.aap.org/pubed/ZZZCIGME8GD.htm?&sub_cat=1

Norma Ray...or How Stay At Home Pregnant Woman Spend Their Free Time...

Old Navy has a Sweepstakes for $1000 in Maternity Clothes.

So I go to enter. I fill it out and unclick the optional checkbox that states
"I want to receive email updates about products and deals at oldnavy.com. (Please note: you do not have to opt in to enter or win the sweepstakes.)"

Then I click enter. And low and behold, I get a big red error message. Hmm, what did I forget??? Name - check, email - check, over 18 - check, etc etc - check. Hmmm, maybe I typed in the security code wrong. Retype, reenter. Red message. Hmm, maybe I should read the message. Oh, I guess it's letting my know that I FORGET to tell them that I wanted them to send me "email updates about products and deals at oldnavy.com". oops, sorry. I thought it was OPTIONAL. I assume this is a "double check" on their part so I uncheck again, and move on. Name - check, email - check, over 18 - check, etc etc - check. New security code - check. Reenter. Big Red Message.HMMMMMM.

Ok, now I'm annoyed. And having all the free time in the world (like you obviously do right now) I read the official rules and regs. (Hey, I didn't send things through Compliance for nothing.) Hmm, nothing here, I go back to the entry page. Read read. Go back to the rules, read read. FAQs...read read. Hmmm???? Nothing about mandatory emails. So I enter AGAIN. Hope springs eternal. Name - check, email - check, over 18 - check, etc etc - check. New security code - check. Reenter. Red Message.

Now I'm steamed. No, I'm not hormonal, why??? Dear Customer Service:

On Mon Jan 29 13:13:00 2007, d wrote:
> from: dmz
> message:


Please explain the sweepstakes submission process if you do not opt to
receive promotional emails? The notation on the site reads - please
note: you do not have to opt in to enter or win the sweepstakes –
yet the system does not allow you to continue without checking the
- I want to receive email updates about products and deals at
oldnavy.com – box. Additionally, I have read the complete official
rules and FAQs and do not see instructions on how to enter without
checking the box. I have tried several times and several
combinations of clicking boxes to see what will generate the
ability to move on but it appears you are requiring that we receive
your direct email solicitations to participate…and you do not state
that in your rules either.

Please ALSO note that my browser was Mozilla Firefox. After several
attempts I entered through Microsoft Explorer and it DID work. So
perhaps you have a technical issue? Either way, can you advise
because otherwise, it appears that you are running a fraudulent
sweepstakes. Thank you ~ Deb

Seems Pretty Clear right (god, are you still WITH me??? Thanks!!!) This morning I get:
-----Original Message-----
From: ePrize Customer Service via RT [mailto:questions@eprizefulfillment.com]
Subject: [ePrize #109057] Eligibility/The Old Navy Maternity $1,000 Sweepstakes

Hello,Thank you for your email. We apologize for the delay in our response.
Please be advised that you can actually unsubscribe from all Old Navy emails. Please click on the below link and fill in the required information and your request will be taken out right away. https://oldnavy.p.delivery.net/m/p/nvy/new/n.asp?&cid=13375114142&tid=5200&ev=WM12012006&di=10998273&cd=
Please reply to this message if you have any other questions.

Thanks,
ePrize Customer Service

Well, of course. I'm so sorry. I should have known. Dear Customer Service: ( No, I'm not hormonal, why???)

-----Original Message-----
From: dmz
Subject: RE: [ePrize #109057] Eligibility/The Old Navy Maternity $1,000 Sweepstakes

So let me understand this correctly. It is mandatory for people to select subscribe in order to enter the sweepstakes. Then that person has to know to unsubscribe, although that information is not posted anywhere in the official rules. Interesting. So there is an "optional" checkbox that's not really optional. Restated, what you are saying is that participation in the sweepstakes is contingent on agreeing to receive email solicitations (that we can later "opt" out of.) Correct?

I'm waiting for their Legal Dept to get back to me....

Why Justine Needs to Work Less - subtitled About Me but Learn the Lesson!! :o)

Justine – ok, when was the last time your boss came over for coffee on the weekend? Went grocery shopping for you? Tucked you in when you were sick?

It's a JOB. I know to the ethical hardworking side of all of us feels that we need to do our best. We do, but not at the expense of ourselves. You need to learn that sometimes giving 80% IS your best. There are many times when I know that I am capable of doing something better. I’m capable of having an immaculate house, of having a perfect body, of doing 100% error free work. But at what cost? I spent many many years trying to be perfect. And you know what? I was. I was 121 pounds at 33, I had a fabulous job – that I worked until 11pm for – and I had great clothes, cash in the bank, a cute place. And no life. I had friends whose calls I was too busy to return and weekends I’d fall asleep on Saturday b/c I was so exhausted. I’d miss my nephews games, I’d be a beyatch to my mom when she called, I never took my niece shopping. I looked down to tie my proverbial shoe and 4 years later I looked up and my friends had moved on. They had houses, kids, taken trips. Oh sure, I was super smug because I was 100% debt free and living this “perfect” disciplined life. No black olives ever past my lips, I didn’t smoke, I was the “golden girl” at work. I socialized but even whilst having fun I was checking email, carrying my blackberry. I did PERFECT work. And you know what doing perfect work gets you?? No help, and more work. Finally I looked at my life, my boss, my relationships and said “So, now that I’m perfect – what has it gotten me?” Everyone counts on me, everyone adores me and yet whenever I asked to be LESS perfect, whenever I said “Hey, can we NOT do this? Or Hey can I take a pass on that” folks were UP IN ARMS. It was awful. I wanted so badly to not have all this crazy work but I needed all the reinforcement of being “perfect”. So I spent ANOTHER year fighting myself and everyone else. I gained 12 pounds in rebellion, I took a leave of absence, I fired some crap friends and found a therapist/life coach. I was in tears in her office wailing “Why can’t I do this right?? Why can’t I just go along to get along? And why – when I used to be so perfect, and I F*n up so bad! And she looked at me – and smiled and laughed! She said “Well, the reason you can’t rebel gracefully is because you’ve never done it before. It takes practice. You feel like your flailing but it’s only because this is the first time you’ve stood up for yourself” and she was right. So ungainly as it’s been, and as foolish as I have been, I’m practicing being less perfect. I’m practicing “letting go” and it’s so FREAKIN HARD!

All the work you are doing, all the self punishment is about wanting to be perfect. Or at least not have others find reason to find fault with you. And once you allow yourself to be less then perfect in all aspects of your life, you’ll find things come easier to you. Those "let go, let god" people actually have a point! (Not that it has to be god btw…)

So that all happened now about two years ago. I'm still carrying 9 pounds, my house is messier, I still don't return calls but you know what, I don't agonize about things anymore. I'm not perfect. Q'uell surprise.