Give it a Breast Already

So I was in Babies R Us Wednesday. It was 1:30 and Ellie was just starting to realize that she hadn't eaten in over 4 hours. She wasn't crying, or even whimpering, but I thought to myself "Let's catch this at the onset." So to the mother's lounge I went.

Knock knock, I tapped then pushed the door open.
And there, in front of me, was a Smug Breastie.

Oh you know the type. Holding their breast in one hand, leaning forward making sure little Harrison, never Harry, was getting enough out of his Sacred Cow.

Now let's be clear about this. I'm not against breast feeding. I'm not Anti-Naked Boob. I could care less if you want to whip out your ta-ta's. If it works for you, fabulous. In public? You're ok, then I'm ok. Just don't be upset if I stare.

What aggravates that crap out of me is the smugness of NEW breastfeeders. Every single time I go into Babies R Us I run into one of these assholes.

"Yes" she said sanctimoniously. "We've decided to breastfeed Ava for at least 6 months. I'm tired though. Up every three hours but we think it's worth it."

"My pediatrician says no bottles for at least six weeks," she told me. "Evan will have nipple confusion."

Good for you, I say. To them.

To you, my friends I say the following.

"We decided that breastfeeding is best? It's worth it?"
Worth it how exactly? Unless it's for 100% financial reasons I'm not convinced that breastfeeding is "better". I get that there are untold number of "Studies". Fine. Studies also showed that cigarettes helped woman lose weight.

"Oh but breastfed babies are more alert, brighter, develop quicker."
I'm not arguing that. But can you say that's a result of the breastmilk or the fact that the majority of breastfeeders are college educated?

"Well, breastmilk has more nutrients."
Ok. Sure again. But can you definitively prove that with all the bovine growth hormones and bioengeneered foods that we eat, that our breastmilk isn't contaminated?

Then you get the angry breastfeeders. The ones who say "I don't ask you to eat in a bathroom, why should my baby? Breastfeeding is natural." So's peeing. Get a better argument.

I f*cking hate breastfeeders. Honestly.

It's like new parents get this bee in their bonnet. I'm a new mom and I need some sort of benchmark that I'm a good mom. So I'm going to pick this one thing, breastfeeding, and hang my hat on it. It's going to validate me as a mother. I Breastfeed therefore I am Good.

I just want to say - you know what, talking to your baby, singing to your baby, holding your baby, having a good marriage, having a clean environment, going to the doctor - those are equally important. If you smoke like a chimney, are 20 pounds plus overweight, if you are a bitch on wheels because you are tired, then you are doing as much damage as good. Dropping dead of your red meat habit at 62 is going to traumatize your "baby" a hell of a lot more then whether they had your boob in their mouth for 10 months.

I had a friend who said "I breastfeed for me. It forces me to sit with him, to focus on him. I love the half hour alone. Sitting quietly. Talking to him. I feel like his mother. I feel like he needs me."

She had the only argument I have no argument with.