Don't Give Me Your Hand-Me-Down Shoe's

The Guess Who
Don't give me no hand me down shoes
Don't give me no hand me down love
Don't give me no hand me down world
I got one already

I'm doing my laundry today, back from my "big trip". My mother-in-law placed a bunch of things in a RiteAid bag. At the bottom of the bag, I found a receipt. For $6.99 for a local secondhand baby store. The line item said portacrib.

I'm not aggravated. I'm not mad. But I'd like to note why this put me in a less then better mood. Some might say bitter versus better if they were so alliteratively inclined.

See, here's the thing. And I'll tell you, I ADORE this woman. But here's the thing.
Whether it was really was portacrib, or it might have been a booster seat, or a clean shopper, or a jungle gym - well, no matter what it was, we have it. Likely we have two. Because I realized, with Ellie, that in order to go to NY and see them, I'd need duplicates or at least a travel version of these things. So I bought them. And now she's buying them.

Now don't give me a lecture on how happy I should be to have a great MIL who cares. Believe me, I know. And I say, daily, how lucky I am. And don't tell me that it's her way of feeling connected, I know that too. I know Grandma wants to feel like every other Grandma, and I know she likes baby things surrounding her. I get it.

But let me tell you a little bit about the duplication of things. And thank god this is my blog because I'm about to be culturally unacceptable.

1. My used items have been carefully selected for style as well as function. They are nice. They look nice, they smell nice, and they are gender specific. Am I being an asshole? Certainly. But I happen to enjoy seeing Ellie surrounded by nice things. Chances are, when I come to visit, I'm not going to use a used blue stroller, a used faded blue clean shopper. When I am out with Ellie, we are both representing a standard. My internal standard. It's not enough for me that Ellie is loved. I happen to like the fact that she looks loved. Carefully and expensively.

2. The argument "Oh but this is easier for you" is completely invalid for us. It's not easier. Besides the above stated reasons, often I combine a trip to NY with another trip. So I have to pack it all, or at least some of it, anyway. Then that some sits in my car taking up space.

3. The argument "Oh but it was all really cheap" is somewhat offensive due to the sheer irony of it. Maybe all the duplicates of my duplicates were cheap, but my originals actually weren't. The items we bought cost, if not money, time. And effort. I picked them out carefully, I researched them, I either drove to get, ebayed and shipped or had amazon deliver them. So now I have a bunch of stuff that I bought that cost me both time and money, that are being underused overall. That I still need regardless because their place isn't the only place we visit.

I mean, I both logically and emotionally understand the second portacrib, and yes, that IS easier. And I understand wanting books, toys, games at Grandmas. I do.

I think I'm just frustrated that these are limited use items in a home that is already overcrowded. That they work hard for their money, and it's not plentiful, and that they are investing it into baby items that will be so significantly underutilized that it wasn't worth the gas to get to the store, nevermind the cost paid.

I think too that there is an element of "fat American" to it. That we don't recycle, reuse. That the answer is to "buy more, get more, need more, own more more". So even though her items are second hand, does one child need four cribs?