Last Sunday, Doug and I decided to "Get Up, Go Out Early and Get Things Done".
Does it go without saying- Is it abundantly clear to anyone who knows us - that this was NOT Doug's idea?
After the usual 10 minutes of getting dressed and being ready, then the next 25 walking back and forth, up and down looking for all the going out accouterments phone, glasses, sunglasses, travel mug, Ellie's binky, blanket, bottle, Target receipts, Costco credit, coupons we were quasi ready to go...and stressed, and aggravated. Mostly due to Doug being hungry. Because he's a big damn baby. I mean, because he skipped breakfast in anticipation of the going out inducement of pastry. i.e. Do you want breakfast now or do you just want to get going and we can get "out" food. Specifically an apple turnover.
"Out food," he says, "but I want coffee now."
"In" coffee, "out" food.
So as we walk out the door, I look at the travel mug Doug has prepped for me disappointedly. I know it's full of stale, standing, bitter Keurig (Green Mountain Our Blend) coffee. Environmental impact aside, the Keurig is one of the best things we own. I try to justify our ownership of it by citing all the styrofoam containers that I save, the gas not spent idling at the drivethrough and the $2 not spent at Dunkins. Still, I cringe every time a Kcup hits the trash. And it's not the EXACT same as Dunkins
Doug see's me look at my mug.
"Your bummed about your coffee"
"No, I'm fine" I casually reassure him.
"Just throw it away. We'll get you an 'out' coffee"
WHAT??? And waste a kcup and hot water and a Splenda???
"Seriously, this is fine."
Out the door we go.
As we drive through town, Doug is casually chatting. I'm distracted. My thoughts consumed by an "out" coffee. Should I? Shouldn't I? Is it wasteful? Is it wrong? This is the coffee I have everyday, why don't I want it today?"
"What's up?" he asks.
"Oh I was just thinking about what errands we need to run" I lie.
He nods, he believes me.
We pull in to the coffee shop.
"What do you want," he asks.
"Um, a raspberry twist please." and he starts to get out.
I must have made a noise because he looks back in the car.
"What?"
I hesitate.
"You want a coffee," he says.
"Oh I really really do" I reply. Embarrassed. "Please, if you don't mind."
He laughs
"A regular" I ask.
"Sure"
In he goes and then out he comes.
Coffees in hand.
ummmm, I'm salivating.
I open the lid, and sip.
Blech.
I peer over the lid at my hubby,
"What's this?"
Him: "It's a regular. Milk and sugar."
Me: "Huh? Did you order it that way? A regular?
Him: "Yes, I did."
Me: confused "You did?"
Him: exasperated "Yes,I did"
Me: "Ok, I'm sorry, I'm just trying to understand. You walked in and said 'I'll have a regular coffee' and this is what they gave you?"
Him: annoyed. "Yes. I just said that. I walked in and asked for a coffee with milk and sugar." "A regular," he enunciates.
"That's not a regular," I retort. "A regular is cream and sugar."
Him: "No it isn't. A regular is milk and sugar. Besides, you have milk and sugar at home."
Me: "I know that. That's because we don't have cream at home."
Him: "Are you sure? I thought a regular was milk and sugar."
I sigh. I know this man. I love this man. We have been together for almost 3 years. We drink coffee. A lot of it.
Sigh.
I pick up my cell phone. I press speaker.
I dial my dad's wife.
"If I ordered a regular coffee, " I start, immediately after she answers, "how would it come?"
"cream and sugar" she replies, bemused but game.
"ok, thanks" I hang up.
I dial my quasi brother in law.
"Hey. Quick question," I lead with, "If I ordered a regular coffee, how would it come?"
"Cream and 2 sugars" he answers. then he amends. "or maybe it's one. But at Dunkin Donuts the sugars are big."
"Thanks" I hang up.
I call my mother's house. Her husband answers."Listen, " I said. "We are trying to figure something out." I ask him, I ask my mother. I ask my sister when she calls later. Do I really need to go?
"See" I crow triumphantly.
He waves my words away with a sweeping gesture. "You're all nuts" he says.
I don't know why I found it so funny. Truly. It just cracked me up. Such a simple thing. But so characteristic of my sweety befuddled husband. It strikes me as the perfect story to illustrate how one can be oblivious and brilliant at the same time.
chuckle chuckle.
So his mother calls. She'll appreciate this. So I ask her first thing. I put her on speaker: "Hey. What's in a regular coffee? Like if you order it at a coffee shop?"
And without waiting a beat she responds.
"Milk and sugar"
"What?" I said.
"Well, I don't know what a regular is there, but here in NY if you ordedr a regular, it's milk and sugar."
Harumph.
sidebar:
A funny addendum to this story was that several days after I was in CT at my good friend Cindy's. I tried telling her the story, complete with phone calls and hand gestures, but clearly with 3 children onhand, something was lost. I know this because the next morning shec sent her dear husband out for coffee and specified to him, as succintly and literal as could be, that mine was to be a regyular. Milk and Sugar.
No comments:
Post a Comment