upon the seat of a bicycle built for two

my husband and I have this thing - every time we see a man on a bike we start yelling out guesses... "Up ahead, on your right" and before we get too close a look we have to call it.


"homeless guy..."
"veteran..."
"fitness enthusiast...
"environmentalist...'
"asian..."
"dui"

I mean, there's a reason grown men wear all that Lance Armstrong gear. Otherwise we all think you're a swill ass.

So it's ongoing, possibly not funny, but one of those things you do. Like calling Tuesdays "Laundry Day" even though it's been years since you had so few clothes that you did laundry once a week.

So me, yesterday, 9am. Driving my daughter to preschool. Suburban side street. Up ahead, man on a bike. No point playing but I speculate anyway.

Off in the distance...
plaid carhartt jacket, furry cap, earflaps, jeans.
I'm thinking "Workman"
and strapped to the front I see a toolbox. Or a crate. Something red. Snap-on?
I'm thinking roofer, maybe laid off, sidegig today.

Closer.
Closer.
And then he pedals by.

With a full-on red white & blue case of budweiser bungeed to the front of the bike.
And two on the back.

And not a twelve pack mind you. I'm talking a suitcase of cans - at least two, possibly a third at 9am, on a Wednesday, on a nothing road going god knows where.

Now THAT'S dedication.
Go big or go home, you mad fucking hatter. I'm guessing DUI.