So I got a call from a mom the other day. I had asked her is she wanted to hostess an at home soiree, just a girls night in with sweats and wine and maybe the game Scene It. Nothing crazy. Something after the kids bed time but not far away etc. We all live local, we could likely walk if we weren't lazy Americans.
She was on board and we started talking. There was some chit chat about the date, the time. She drafted an evite that was blank, so I edited it with the details. She decided she didn't like the start time, the guests, the idea for entertainment. I thought "Ok, it was my idea but it's your house so no big deal. The end still honers the agreement". And then she sent the evite.
Blank.
With no information whatsoever but her name and address.
I emailed her a "let me know what's up? Are you all set?" email and she didn't reply.
Several days later at my daughters birthday party I asked her what was up and she expressed frustration and aggravation that no one was interested. That she was ready to do "All This Work" and no one responded. I quickly, annoyed, replied "Actually, about 6 people responded to the evite and almost all of them said they were interested but couldn't commit until they knew the date" to which she responded that she was confused on how to use evite and that she hadn't bothered to check RSVPs.
I asked her if she wanted to bag it and that I'd do something instead and she replied "Yes, that would be great"
Several day later still I hear from mutual friends that the date that has been bandied about is Friday the 8th. The date which three of us are already invited to another soiree, and that all three of us told her about at various times.
I didn't bother to email her or ask because it was a) hearsay and b) she already had an email from me asking about it and c) she told me not 7 days before that it was being canceled. I assumed my other friends were confused.
Until yesterday.
When ADD mom calls and "confronts" me about "What my problem is". How I "planned something with her and blew her off" How I asked to come to do something and then "made other plans".
About two sentences into her diatribe she got the hand.
"You might want to stop talking now" is what I said. Followed by "Before you say something that you aren't going to be able to step back from"
And then I proceeded to photographic memory replay the entire conversation library.
Whereupon after she quickly switched subjects and said it wasn't at ALL abour that she just wanted to know if something was wrong and that I shouldn't get "defensive"
Which is funny. Because with all her therapy you'd think shed know the difference between defensive and angry.
So I told her I wasn't angry but that her position was flimsy and I think she needed to understand what went wrong before she blamed everyone else.
Ultimately, her "anger" is around the fact that I apparently run hot and cold - one minute I have time and plans and the next I "drop" her. Which I have now heard three times from three seperate people.
I'm not sure what to say to that. I'm flattered and gratified that someone wants to spend time with me, and I think I'm pretty open about the fact that I have plans EVERY day every week so I'm not ever really "open" - but I'll clear something with notice. Is that fun? No. Flattering? Nah. But you know, it's kind of my life.
My friend Jess says that these three people thrive on drama.
I'm inclined to agree.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
How I Feel About The Phone Call From Psycho Mom The Other Day
WHAT I THOUGHT
The more I think about our conversation the other day, the less I am inclined to let it go. Although I think I handled it poorly, in terms of cutting you off before you fully expressed yourself, what I am realizing now is that the implications of your conversation – the being “put out” a bit and the being frustrated/angry at my lack of communication – is really an issue that you have, and not one that I’m comfortable being thrust on me. Over the last several months, over the course of knowing you, you have often times been quick on the defensive, seeing slights and injuries where there are none. Or where you could have perceived something better about the other person and chose not to. For example some mothers in the group, or the lack of response from A, or B. The “choosing to assume someone is less then they are more”. In the cold light of day, a day later, I’m realizing that although I didn’t follow up with you and can clearly see that you might have been confused or hurt, the fact that your FIRST instinct about why I hadn’t touched base was a negative one, tells me something about where you are in your life right now. The fact that I haven’t communicated is justifiably offensive surely. But your anger is disproportionate to our relationship, and your expression of it, in this “post therapy letting me know how you feel era” was inappropriate.
WHAT I SAID
...ok, well, I'm glad you told me then...
The more I think about our conversation the other day, the less I am inclined to let it go. Although I think I handled it poorly, in terms of cutting you off before you fully expressed yourself, what I am realizing now is that the implications of your conversation – the being “put out” a bit and the being frustrated/angry at my lack of communication – is really an issue that you have, and not one that I’m comfortable being thrust on me. Over the last several months, over the course of knowing you, you have often times been quick on the defensive, seeing slights and injuries where there are none. Or where you could have perceived something better about the other person and chose not to. For example some mothers in the group, or the lack of response from A, or B. The “choosing to assume someone is less then they are more”. In the cold light of day, a day later, I’m realizing that although I didn’t follow up with you and can clearly see that you might have been confused or hurt, the fact that your FIRST instinct about why I hadn’t touched base was a negative one, tells me something about where you are in your life right now. The fact that I haven’t communicated is justifiably offensive surely. But your anger is disproportionate to our relationship, and your expression of it, in this “post therapy letting me know how you feel era” was inappropriate.
WHAT I SAID
...ok, well, I'm glad you told me then...
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Status Update | Facebook
May 5, 2009
has
a full day of returns, contractor calls and administrative life
maintanance to do. Hold me whilst I swoon with domestic excitement.
Who Are The People In Your Neighborhood?
MY NEPHEW
Watching Franklin with Ellie, 8:19am EST, Tuesday, May 5
Me: Did he just talk to an animal and the animal didn't talk back?
Him: Yes
Me: See. That's what I mean about cartoons. How can Franklin talk but the animals in the woods can't? Inconsistencies...
Him: Well. Those animals were colonized while the woods animals are still wild.
MY SISTER
Her: Now that Ellie's two you are going to be able to do "time outs"
Me: Really? Why?
Her: Well accordingly to Jo on Supernanny, you can have 1 minute for each year of your life. So if Ellie's 2, her timeout is 2 minutes. Julia's is 6.
Me: That makes sense
Her: Yeah, that what I'm thinking. That's why I figure I can act out and do some really really bad.
Me: Um?
Her: I figure I can just be a bitch and someone will send me to my room for 42 minutes. No phone, no computer. Just me up in my room for 42 minutes.
MY GIRLFRIEND HEATHER
Her: Yep, October 25
Me: What's that?
Her: That my friend is the due date of the 4th Hockenshmocker
Me: Calculating in my head... OMG - You're pregnant???!!!! How far along???
Her: 15 weeks.
Me: Nettled. So, I know we don't talk EVERY day but there wasn't ONE time in the past 15 weeks that you couldn't mention it?
Her: Well I would but we just found out last week.
Me: Snorts and Hoots with laughter
Her: Yeh, I'm like some village girl in Pompeii. I had no idea.
MY HUSBAND
Me: So, what are you getting me for Mother's Day
Him: Pausing "I could give you another baby?" Puffs out chest and swaggers towards me
me lecherously.
Me: Or you know, flowers are good I guess.
Watching Franklin with Ellie, 8:19am EST, Tuesday, May 5
Me: Did he just talk to an animal and the animal didn't talk back?
Him: Yes
Me: See. That's what I mean about cartoons. How can Franklin talk but the animals in the woods can't? Inconsistencies...
Him: Well. Those animals were colonized while the woods animals are still wild.
MY SISTER
Her: Now that Ellie's two you are going to be able to do "time outs"
Me: Really? Why?
Her: Well accordingly to Jo on Supernanny, you can have 1 minute for each year of your life. So if Ellie's 2, her timeout is 2 minutes. Julia's is 6.
Me: That makes sense
Her: Yeah, that what I'm thinking. That's why I figure I can act out and do some really really bad.
Me: Um?
Her: I figure I can just be a bitch and someone will send me to my room for 42 minutes. No phone, no computer. Just me up in my room for 42 minutes.
MY GIRLFRIEND HEATHER
Her: Yep, October 25
Me: What's that?
Her: That my friend is the due date of the 4th Hockenshmocker
Me: Calculating in my head... OMG - You're pregnant???!!!! How far along???
Her: 15 weeks.
Me: Nettled. So, I know we don't talk EVERY day but there wasn't ONE time in the past 15 weeks that you couldn't mention it?
Her: Well I would but we just found out last week.
Me: Snorts and Hoots with laughter
Her: Yeh, I'm like some village girl in Pompeii. I had no idea.
MY HUSBAND
Me: So, what are you getting me for Mother's Day
Him: Pausing "I could give you another baby?" Puffs out chest and swaggers towards me
me lecherously.
Me: Or you know, flowers are good I guess.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)