Who Are The People In Your Neighborhood?

MY NEPHEW
Watching Franklin with Ellie, 8:19am EST, Tuesday, May 5
Me: Did he just talk to an animal and the animal didn't talk back?
Him: Yes
Me: See. That's what I mean about cartoons. How can Franklin talk but the animals in the woods can't? Inconsistencies...
Him: Well. Those animals were colonized while the woods animals are still wild.

MY SISTER
Her: Now that Ellie's two you are going to be able to do "time outs"
Me: Really? Why?
Her: Well accordingly to Jo on Supernanny, you can have 1 minute for each year of your life. So if Ellie's 2, her timeout is 2 minutes. Julia's is 6.
Me: That makes sense
Her: Yeah, that what I'm thinking. That's why I figure I can act out and do some really really bad.
Me: Um?
Her: I figure I can just be a bitch and someone will send me to my room for 42 minutes. No phone, no computer. Just me up in my room for 42 minutes.

MY GIRLFRIEND HEATHER
Her: Yep, October 25
Me: What's that?
Her: That my friend is the due date of the 4th Hockenshmocker
Me: Calculating in my head... OMG - You're pregnant???!!!! How far along???
Her: 15 weeks.
Me: Nettled. So, I know we don't talk EVERY day but there wasn't ONE time in the past 15 weeks that you couldn't mention it?
Her: Well I would but we just found out last week.
Me: Snorts and Hoots with laughter
Her: Yeh, I'm like some village girl in Pompeii. I had no idea.

MY HUSBAND
Me: So, what are you getting me for Mother's Day
Him: Pausing "I could give you another baby?" Puffs out chest and swaggers towards me
me lecherously.
Me: Or you know, flowers are good I guess.