7.21 Living in a 3rd World Country, subtitled When was the last time you ate?

ok, it's 6:oo pm and I am at work. I am sitting in an area primarily populated with data monkeys and programmers. The "Consultants". With their fancy talk about uploads and code moves and transaction errors, I'm barely in place. Seating coincidence? I think not. It's all the Starcite stuff. They've placed me here on purpose.

Truth be told, I expect a certain amount of odd behavior from my compatriots. They're quirky, they're geniuses, I'm on board with that. . Loud Talker conference calls to China notwithstanding.

I think my general expectation is that some "engineer" is going to come out of one or all of them - in socially awkward ways. White socks, black glasses, multiple devices clipped on the belt - check, check, check. He haw laugh, check. Eyes that don't make eye-contact, or too much eye contact, check check.

I expect it.


So here I am, the only one with pink in their cube, feeling akin to Charlie on the Isle, eeking out a wee bit of work before the disco concert on the Pavillion.

And lo and behold (or hold me below as my ex-friend Ariane used to say) - I hear the dulcet tones of female associate over my veal pen cubby cube wall.

Chew chew, crackle, crackle "So, Sean, whud are you worfing on ..." chew chew, crackle of the bag. "Almn, that's inner-estin" gulp swallow. "Some thin's stay the same mugffle muffle" and on and on and on.

For a full 4 minutes it's talk chew talk, crackle talk. Meanwhile I can HEAR the food rolling in her mouth from over here.

I'm sitting here thinking "WHAT'S THE DEAL MISSY!" You got a nine course turkey dinner in that bag???" How big, HONESTLY, HOW BIG can that bag be? What is she EATING??? She's standing over there, talking to a fellow dork, with a full on feed going on.

"Are you hypoglycemic?" I think. "Do you need to eat RIGHT THIS SECOND???" And if so, do you need to catch up with Sean right this second?

I'm hungry, I get that she might be too. It's 6pm. Perhaps she missed lunch, her snack, her breakfast. Maybe shes faint, she's feverish, she's pregnant. Maybe it's none of my business.

But what I do care about is this.

If you are that voraciously hungry - so hungry that I can hear you chewing from 8 to 11 feet away. If you MUST have a snack, some food, your 9 piece dinner - don't you AT LEAST want to enjoy it??? Quietly?

Are we in an Olive Garden commercial??? Are we dating? Do you need to stop - in the aisle - with your full on food - and deliver a dissertation on War and Peace.

HELLO.
Kindergarden.

Share, don't pee your pants - and DON'T TALK WITH FOOD IN YOUR MOUTH.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH

Really, nasty.