Have you ever really choked? I mean really choked? Not just swallowed something wrong and though "Oh, I almost choked!" Well I did and it is DAMN scary.
I'm in the kitchen taking. I take a bite of my oh-so-good corn on the cob. One kernal slides down before I can chew it. I cough instinctivly to get it up. Nothing happens. I cough again - nothing. I start really coughing and I realize "This is stuck - oh no". I continue to cough in hopes of moving the kernal. About 45 minutes pass - or maybe 8 seconds and I look up at him. I try to lift my arms up to my throat to signal "Hello - I am choking here!" They are cold, they hurt, they are going numb. The back of my neck hurts, I feel "white pain". My daughter comes into the room, it's her birthday - she's 4 and her Mom is choking. Of course I think - I am going to die on her birthday, I am choking, someone help me. I continue to cough. I look at him again I can feel blood vessels popping.
He speaks "What do you need? Want a glass of water?" I get my hands up to my throat and squeak out "I am cho-king". I continue to cough - I have to save myself. I think - 911? He speaks "Well what do you want me to do?" About 72 hours have passed and I feel myself getting dizzy. I start to push in my own stomach and try to hit my own back. He goes behind me and puts his arms around my stomach I move them into position and make him a fist. I try to push them into my gut. He stands still. He lets go, reaches aound and turns on the water. I cough again and the corn comes up.
I am going to live. I can't feel anything. I must be blue. I can't move. My daughter is watching, she's 4 and her Mom was choking. I walk to the couch and collapse. I am breathing...and scared. I close my eyes and beg for sleep. I feel a blanket covering me up, tiny hands smotth the blanket surface. I open one eye and there she is. My Angel, she smiles. "Are you okay Mommy?" I can't talk, I have no voice - I squeak "Yes". A minute passes and I ask her to go get my blood pressure cuff upstairs. Imeediately she leaves and comes back with it. No questions, no hesitation. She finds it and comes back. It wasn't on my dresser, but she looked for it, found it and came back. She slides it on my wrist and pushes the button. I love her.
He speaks - "Do you need anything?" I think VOLUMES of responses but say only this "Go away".
1 comment:
sigh. what can anyone ever say. he is not ideal. And yet, that's who he is. This is your life, you have but one. When the bad outweighs the good, a decision needs to be made. If the good outweighs the bad, then is there a way to evoke more good? What will it take? It's a terrible cycle and really a discouraging thing.
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