When I was little, I thought it would be incredibly easy to get into heaven. As I understood it, you only had to NOT break one of the ten commandments. As long as you followed the rules, you'd get in.
At that time, I thought "Well FINE, I mean, these are super easy NOT to break."
I am the Lord your God, you shall have no other gods before me.
Check. You're god. Got it.
No false idols
ok, no gold calf like in the Moses movie. Check.
Although I DID find that scene strangely titillating as a child.
Thou shalt not use the lords name in vain.
Oh My God we aren't allowed to say Oh My God? Tougher but doable.
Remember to keep the Sabbath holy.
So can my father still take us to the bowling alley? Like, is bowling working? But still, ok, no work on Sundays. Check.
Honor your Father and Mother
Frankly, I didn't figure this one was that important.
Thou shalt not kill
"Well who WOULD?" I wondered. "This one is SO easy not to break" I thought, "Of course I would never ever EVER kill someone. I'd never even WANT to."
I would never ever grow up to be say, 38, and want to - oh, I dunno - run someone off the road in a fit of Kohl's parking lot rage. I mean, ex? Ex-who? Boyfriend? Why would anyone ever be tempted to kill anyone? My mothers on the phone? huh? what? Kill? Who, me?
Thou shalt not commit adultery
Why would anyone cheat if they were MARRIED??
Thou shalt not steal
"Well that's reasonable" I thought. "I shouldn't steal anyway so this isn't a commandment, it's illegal. I could go to JAIL." Eternal damnation not being first and foremost I guess…
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor
Like lie? Lie about our neighbor? I had a vision of a picket fence and someone standing over on the other side. I don't even think I am going to know my neighbor so why would I lie about him? Plus he's so much older...
You shall not covet your neighbor's house
More white picket fence. More confusion. We live on the same street. Why would I like his house better? Confused confused...
You shall not covet your neighbor's wife
But I'm MARRIED so I have my own husband. Plus I'm a girl so why would I want my neighbors wife anyway. Who ARE these people. They are OBSESSED with their neighbors???
As an aside I also thought you could covet the guy three towns aways house, goods & wife. Because he wasn't a neighbor it was ok.
Anyway, why do I bring this up? Well, not only is it INCREDIBLY easy as an adult to break ALL but one or two, these also these silly little cardinal sins too.
I had to make a choice the other day between two of them.
There I was at my friend Cindy's house, fry pan in one hand, spatula in the other. I knew I overcooked the spinach. I also knew that the lions share of raisins and pine nuts would redirect the eaters attention from the wetness of the wilted spinch and make the whole meal more palatable. For about 15 seconds I debated. Do I give Cindy the raisins and nuts, and she'll think I am a great cook, or I should have more myself and have a better meal??
Vanity. Greed. Vanity. Greed. Decisions decisions.
As we sat to eat, I anxiously watched her spoon it to her mouth.
"It's overcooked" I said.
"It's great" she said.
"I left it on too long" I said.
"I LOVE spinach" she enthused "It's really good."
Thereupon I confessed my moral, mortal weakness. I explained about the quantity, the taste, my thought process. I concluded "So I just wasn't sure what to do. I knew that it wasn't coming out right but I also knew whoever got the most raisins and nuts would like it. I had to decide between Vanity or Greed."
She paused. Then looked at me thoughtfully, bowl in hand, fork poised, spinach quivering. I think she may have been assessing me as a person. Either that or she realized the very real nature of my dilemma.
"So" beat beat "Which did you choose?" she asked.
"Vanity" I sheepishly admitted.
Without a beat she raised the fork...
"I'm glad" she chortled,
...and popped the spinach into her mouth.
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