Free At Last

So yesterday I made a simple change and it suited me.

We went, as a group to a group thing. Specifically a museum.

Everyone who went - mostly everyone - has similar parenting styles, similar attitudes, similar responses. Not that we THINK alike per se but that, wholly, none of us "care cares" about certain things. Kids eating? Great. Kids not eating? Fine. Kids playing together? Oh so sweet. Kids going seperate ways? See ya.

We went as a group but no one felt the need to participate as a group. Everyone had a chance to experience their child, on their timetable, at their speed. Some went in one room, some another. some went up while others went down. No one felt slighted, no one felt responsible for anyone else.

And, for once, I didn't either.
I didn't have to.

I sat in a room long after my friends had left because I knew my daughter enjoyed it there. I know it takes her a little longer to settle, so I took the time. Instead of rushing her to accommodate someone else's timetable, I took one half hour where I did it completely on my own timetable.

Which I never do well.
Because I'm always rushing Ellie to be polite to someone else. Or rushing myself.
Always assuaging.

Yesterday I relaxed. I trusted that my friends would assume that I was there enjoying myself. Yesterday I didn't have to host, or entertain, or smooth it over for someone. Yesterday I wasn't the facilitator. I didn't have to lead the charge, coerce the group. I didn't have to go anything but just go. And be.

And I found myself wondering, how did it take 18 months to get to this point?

But - I do realize - it took almost 18 months to build these friendships.
And that's the good thing about having the right kind of friends.

They don't sit in a corner wondering why no one is playing with them.
They don't expect someone else to solve their problems.
They don't whine about their lot in life.

They don't NEED me to be there for them.
They are their for themselves.

Which freed ME to be with Ellie.

Finally.