I Just Don't Understand

So I went to a funeral Monday and during the "post" services luncheon, my cousin, in a frank and completely non insulting manner asked me a perfectly legitimate question.

She didn't even preface it with "Not to be rude" because she really really wasn't. She was asking out of simple curiosity.

The conversation started with her having a second child, the same age as my first, and how she was faring. It led up to the point that she works full time, and I stay at home.

Her question was, to me, but about her friends:
Why are stay at home moms always so busy? Like what do they DO all day? I'm working full time, and I'm not getting it all done but if I was HOME full time, I mean, you have so much more time.

She wasn't being rhetorical.
She wasn't being judgmental.
She genuinely wanted to know what it was we do.

I answered quickly "Well, you know when you leave the house, you pack a diaper bag and you pack snacks, right? Then you drop her off. Ok well, that's kind of all you have to do for her to get her out the door after you dress her. When you stay at home, you feed her the snacks, you have to wash hands, faces, bowls, wipe down the chair, change the diaper and then get her redressed to go out. So it takes time. Everything takes time."

My sister stepped in, ostensibly to diffuse the situation. But I don't think anyone was upset. I think it was just an amiable conversation amongst two people who both are satisfied and confident with their choices. The fact that we each think the other has it easier is moot.

No no, just kidding.

I, of course, think I have it easier. I get to see more, do more, and enjoy my daughter - not more, but at least with more frequency. I don't have to adhere to a timetable, I don't have a boss (my husband would beg to differ..) Oh wait, I do have a boss. She's 18 months old. I don't have a boss, a dress code, a commute. I have all the snacks I need at home, and the resources at my fingertips to entertain her. I don't have to rush to daycare, to force her into a carseat, to remember every single thing at 6am. I don't have any of the pressure that working mother have, and I don't have any of the guilt.

So I don't complain.

Now on the flip side, I think she does a better job living her life. I'm sure that if her wallet was missing, as mine has been since LAST Sunday (10 days hence) she'd have things canceled by now, she likely is able to make appts, return phone calls, answer emails, get to CVS for essentials and stop for groceries. Add to that likely when she IS home, she's coparenting. So they walk in and there's two people getting the job done. And she hasn't had to hear relentless whining and screaming for half her day (well, from kids that is!) Add to that there's likely less social networking to be done when you work. Let's face it, you have more contact with people daily so you don't have to create opportunities to connect.

I wouldn't trade lives, nor would she. I find her lovely, and a wonderful mother, as she does me. We truly truly see eye to eye.

But that doesn't won't stop me from listing what I did today from 7am to 2pm.
Just in case any of YOU were wondering:

7am - Woke up, showered. Shower woke baby. I allowed her to come in the bathroom and we brushed our teeth, our hair, and put away the misc toiletries. I let her use the phone to call Daddy and say I love you. We went down to breakfast (cut up fruit and toast). While she was in her highchair, I did a load of laundry, sorted my husbands drycleaning, and put away all his shoes in the closet. During that time, my friend from Ohio called and we talked for 15 minutes while I multitasked online. Specifically I created a song and circle time agenda, with 6 songs and 3 story books. All while feeding Ellie. Then down Ellie came from her highchair, she got crayons and a coloring book. I cleaned up breakfast. Then we went upstairs. Her walking one step at a time. SLOWLY. I called the other group leader, asked her to borrow a book, called a friend to see if she had a better version of a different book and called a third to see if she was in labor. The while time I was getting myself dressed, and Ellie dressed, I made the bed, put Ellie crib sheets and blankies all in order, packed up all the books, the songs, snacks, a bag of props and started the car. It was 9:10.
By 9:30 I was rearranging a room of furniture at the church.
By 10 I was singing and reading stories to about 17 kids ages 11 months to 4.
By 10:30 I was chitchatting with the moms and getting Ellie a snack.
From 10:50 to 11:15 I reset the room with the moms. With lots of help. But I was still the last one to leave.
By 11:30 I was home, checking voicemail, talking to the friend. Who now WAS in labor. I spoke to her, her husband, and his sister. I volunteered to take their daughter. I got off the phone for Ellie's snacks. Still haven't eaten yet. We went outside where I raked, bagged, put all the yard toys into storage and got out the mucher and mulched the pile. Ellie played. We did some jumping. I recoiled the hose, took the planters down and bent the nail back that was sticking out (hello pliers)
It was now 1pm. I changed Ellie's bum, put her in her crib, switched OVER the laundry, folded the first load, came up, cleaned the kitchen, the floor, the highchair talked AGAIN to the friend in Labor, then cleaned the toy room. I also sat down and filed all my emails for the Charity drive I'm trying to get started, I sent back the confirmation for my host night for the weekly knitting circle, I deleted myself of Reunion.com, I emailed back a friend about her stores grand opening (and made plans to visit the store) I updated mine and my husbands calendars to reflect the fact that I was hosting a knitting circle AND that I was meeting the store proprieter for drinks. I made four hard boiled eggs for Ellies lunch (and mine) when she gets up. I washed down the entire stove. Then I posted this post. But I got up 2ce during it to check the mail and the laundry.

As soon as Ellie's UP we are having lunch (pork ribs and eggs. Eww), going for a 3pm playdate and I need to stop at a mailbox to mail my nephews secret santa and 2 thank you notes. I also need to stop typing to make potatoes and carrots for dinner tonight. And fold the next load of laundry. Oh, and I also emailed a "new" friend to make plans for the week after Thanksgiving.

So yeah, I'm busy.
May not be work but I'm not watch Dr Phil either.