We're Off to See The Wizard

I'll be leaving the house in 10 minutes.
well, 10 after i finish this. And my eggo waffles.

Why are you going? my brother asked me. You know what he did, right?
"I know" I said. Then rattled off some ugly family lore.
So why?
"I'm going out of respect for his children. I'm not paying homage to him."
But why? Are they that good to you? Isn't it hypocritical?
"No. They have tried. I'm the one that keep them at an arms length. I'm going because if there's a moment that they are standing there feeling anything at all, I want to show my respect for them."
I'm not going. I'll go tomorrow. I'll see the grave. But I'm not going to stand up there today.
We moved on to other things.

My husband woke
Do you want me to come?
"No. It's not that big a deal."
Where's your mother?
"She's in Aruba."
Are you sure?
Am I sure she's in Aruba?
He gives me The Look
"Ok, yes. I'm positive. Honestly."
Ok, I love you. Ill see you tonight.

The phone rang once.
I was midsneeze when she answered.
What are you going to wear? I asked.
My sister replied Black pants, green sweater. You?
I dunno. Ever since I had Ellie I haven't bought new pants. All I have is dresses.
Do you want me to wear jeans? she asked.
No. I assured her. Don't go in jeans b/c I cant get it together. I have a black dress with long sleeves. I'll wear that. You think it's too much?
It's fine. Just wear it. You'll have a coat on anyway.

So I reached into the closet. I'm wearing a black dress. With ivory boatneck and hem. Looking very retro 70s. I bought it LAST November when i was even heavier post baby. It wasn't until I put it on that I recognized the irony.

I'm wearing my wedding dress to a funeral. On my anniversary.
Had it happened years ago I daresay my mother would have worn red.