Borrowing From Peter to Pay Paul

Today my priorities were in the wrong place. I yelled at Ellie, who's sick. I went hither then yon, for a friend while my husband ate 3 sausages and a brownie for dinner. I stayed on the phone with someone I didn't care to talk to and blocked someone I did. I'm tired and up creating fake valentines for a story session tomorrow when I should be in bed with my husband who's working like a dog to put a roof over our heads.

And I'm tired. I'm tired of pettiness, mine and other peoples.
I need a vacation from myself, from this house and quite possibly from my phone.
So I'm creating a fantasy vacation from my life.
Here.
Now.
In the spirit of being positive.

And it's going to be called
THE WAY TOMORROW SHOULD GO.

Tomorrow morning I am going to wake up. I'm not going to snooze the alarm. I'm going to get up and walk downstairs and prepour Ellie's milk, make coffee and eat something besides a shitty frozen waffle, dry. I'm going to find my keys on the hook, and my bag is going to be packed. My books and radio will be ready to be taken to the car and my attitude will be upbeat.

I'm not going to answer my phone. Not for any one of the 3 people who call me almost daily between 7 and 8. Ellie is coming first, and I second. I'm going to go upstairs and brush my teeth. Leisurely. For over two minutes. I'm going to dress in something clean. My hair is not going to be in a ponytail. Ellie is going to be greeted at 8 vs wailing for attention at 8:10. We are going to hug before we walk downstairs. Likely we'll hug after.

My cell phone is going to be charged. My voicemail counter cleared. The laundry will be upstairs. It will be folded. I won't struggle for something to put her in. Our shoes will be found. And ready to be worn.

I'll get to WSSF and I wont be so busy welcoming people and setting up that my daughter cries. I'm going to sing TO her vs sing to everyone elses child. I'm not lifting any little girls tomorrow but my own. We are going to sit down and do the craft. I'm going to leave early.

I'm going to make my afternoon appt tomorrow on time. Happily.
I'm going to stop on the way home, get groceries, and we are going to eat a nutritionally balanced dinner.

I'm not calling anyone back, I'm not offering to drive, loan, supplement or support anyone tomorrow. Ellie and I are going to read a book. Then another. Maybe I'll buy her a balloon.

And when my husband comes home, we are going to chit chat vs talk. And maybe go upstairs early and not discuss our finances, the house, what we need to do and who we need to call back. Maybe we'll lie in bed and play scrabble. And then I'll eventually feel tired, and I'll go to sleep.

I won't toss and turn internally yelling at myself for gaining weight. I won't begrudge someone else for having a better day, a better plan or a better hairstyle. I won' be mad for having a messy basement, a messy porch, a messy desk. I won't kick off the covers in aggravation because my feet are dry nor will I condemn myself for not moisturizing them. I'm going to spend tomorrow remembering that I actually like myself. And that if I was as mean to someone else as I am to myself, I wouldn't be friends with me.

Tomorrow I am going to play Baby Got Back. And I'm going to laugh loudly at the part where he says I like my woman like Flo Jo. I might even learn the lyrics.

Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You just wait.