There Was A Crooked Man

I met a man tonight.
I went out with a friend and he gave us access to the bar.
I offered to hold his coat in exchange for his seat.

Through the course of conversation we discovered he was about to have an affair.

He showed me a picture of his kids.
Two of three.
Not yet out of the NICU.
And he told me he was there to meet someone.

I said to him "I'm not judging you for wanting to be with someone else. I'm judging you for not being ethical about it."

I truly believe their are things worse then cheating. There's murder for one. There's stealing assets - leaving someone alone and undefended. There's child molesting, there's abuse.

Having a sexual affair, in the scope of things, is not the worst betrayal between a man and wife.

It's so easy to call him a cheater, a liar, a ne'er do well. To say all men are the same. To assume he's a sleazebag. A child.

But who's to say what covenant was broken first. Did his wife honor her commitments? Is this a man broken, or selfish? Did he go forth in good faith and did she treat him with healthy reverence and respect? Were they equals? Was he an atm? A meas to an end? Had she loved him? Or what he could do for her?

What about the kids?

My friend was appalled. He married her they should make it work.
My friend said he's trying to escape.
I say he's trying to find an excuse for being unhappy.

In all cases it's too much to comprehend without peanut brittle.

In the final analysis I told him this:

Regardless of what I think you are doing as being right or wrong, you reap what you sow. The woman who is meeting you here, she knows you have kids, she knows your life is unstable, yet she's willing to meet you here anyway. What does that tell you about her? If you truly want to be out of your marriage, then go about it ethically. Talk about it with your wife and go forth in an ethical and rightous manner. But do you really want to be the guy who's lying, who's cheating, who's scheming. What does that say about how you value yourself?

He doesn't want to have an affair.
He wouldn't have told two strangers so we could talk him out of it.
What he wants is something of his own. Something that is just his - an escape from her, from this life, from these kids, from this demand on that time.

As I always say, you'd never pick one house, one car, one job, one haircut for all time but your supposed to pick one person and it's supposed to last forever.

Good luck with that.