poppyseed

I've dialed the phone 4 times now.

One to my regular ob and three to the perinatologist.

The conversation went something like this:

"Hi. I realize that this is very early but I just want to be sure I have everything in order. Dr R said to call him BEFORE I got pregnant again. Dr. A said that he (Dr R) can't do anything until the cerclage at 13 weeks so I don't need to see him (Dr R) prior. I don't mind whichever the outcome is, but I would like two know why those are two separate messages."

Essentially, I get it. Nothing can be done until 13 weeks. The question is, for me, why did he want to see me before? Was it for prep? Were there medications he wanted me to take, did he want a baseline on my cervix, is there some other genetic screen that may need to be done earlier? Is Dr A in line with his thoughts? Or is she assuming? Are they SURE?

I just don't want to be where I was last time.
Too late.

I also think someone needs to look at the trend. Why do I bleed first trimester? Fluke? Uterus issue?

It's natures way of dispelling a bad pregnancy.
What if all mine are bad?

I know the difference between being a prima donna and being educated and having questions. But I don't like feeling like they think I don't.

So it's wait. Which I'm good at. I don't need to impose my will here.

"Are you sure" asked the nurse.
"Well, the line was very faint, but it was blue" I said. "Twice"
"That sounds pretty positive" she chuckled.

I finally said "Listen, why don't we just do this. I don't want to leave a message. Let's see what happens. I'm going to wait until 8 weeks, when I see Dr A. I have a history of early bleeding, I'm not even sure if this is going to take so there's no point calling in the National Guard. It's less then two weeks away. I'll wait nd we'll go from there."

We all hang up satisfied.

Last night, for the first time ever, I run to the bathroom. And throw up my dinner.

Do you want to know what I had for supper?" I asked Jess on the phone 30 minutes before.
"If you want to tell me" she humors me.
"Cheddar cheese off Ellie's tray, some of Doug's curly fries, one bite of a gross chipotle chicken weight watchers meal, a head of iceberg lettuce, and 3 spoonfuls of vanilla frosting"
"That's some dinner" she deadpans.
I defend. "Hey, it was a vegetable, a starch and a protein"
"There is that" she said.

As I'm throwing up I think "Really? Throwing up? Wow." and "Yeh. Strong baby"
I wake up positive. As in sunny, not blue line. I feel good. My boobs are sort of sore. I threw up. As I'm making the bed I say to Doug "I think this one's going to be different. I think it's stronger"

This is real.

Then just 10 minutes ago, I felt a tiny tiny little pop. PING. And I see a tiny tiny trace of brackish blood.

So here we go again.