Vacation All I Ever Wanted

Day One

All my bags are packed, I’m ready to go,
The rest of the song, I dunno….
I’m LEAVIN on a jet plane
Don’t know when I’ll be back again…
Remember that John Denver movie? Poor guy. Nothing like posthumus maligning for cutting down trees. I wonder if Annie had anything to do with it (obscure reference to John Denver's ex-wife Annie as referenced in “Annie’s Song" aka “You fill up my senses, like a boat on the water, like a walk in the forest etc etc…..” written as an apology for cheating on her)


So.

Here we are. Baltimore.

Why Baltimore? We were asked, oh, about 10 times.
“I wanted to see Camden Yards” I said.

And that was that.

And here we are. In our Priceline room. Moved once already because our waterfront room sounded – as the security guard said - “like a disco.”

That’s the gamble you take. We weren’t complaining when we called. We just wanted to know if there was a club outside because the muted house music would have eventually been problematic. If it was in fact from a club. And not a guest.

We are at the Hyatt Regency. The room rate is upwards of $340 a night. It’s a four star hotel.
Tee hee.

So we were moved. Parking lot view. From a waterfront view. I can hear an ambulance passing by. That’s the price you pay for gambling. See, because the music stopped after security came by. "Should we call back?" I asked Doug. "No," he said "Let's see what they’ll do." So it's curtains for us. Closed that is, to block out the view of the cement.

See, the funny thing is, after all the years with Fidelity I’ve never really stayed anywhere but Ritzs, Four Seasons and a few Marriotts. So I’m laughing. Because this place is about the same as a Motel 6 as far as I'm concerned. And hey, for the priceline price - $100? $105 with tax – I'm not complaining. Again, just laughing. I'd have been appalled to pat a penny more. $349. please.

We left Ellie at Grandmas. I would have shed a tear but Ellie was having none of it. She went straight to Grandma and that was the end of me. Poor grandma. She’s going to have sciatica if she doesn't put Ellie down. And poor Ellie. She has 2 chins and her wrists are about to pop off she's so chubby. Grandma's in for it.

I had to let go of my compulsions though. Grandma wanted to put Ellie in the porta crib…with her SHOES on. Immediately, it popped out of my mouth…

“Do you mind of I put her in the crib to get the fries?” she asked (Meaning out of the fryalator. We bring Fish & Chips for Harry every time we come…)
“Not with her shoes on" I said. Aghast. “The crib’ll get all dirty”
Doug's mother gave me a level look.

“ I was going to put a sheet down before she goes to bed”
“Yes but then it wont stay nice” I said. Using pure logic.
She let it go. She let me take the shoes off. As I did I said "Oh my god, I'm sorry, do whatever you want."

FUNDAMENTAL differences, you see.

Now, I adore. A-DORE my mother in law. She can do, virtually, no wrong. I ADORE her.
But for a moment I was near apoplectic shock when I saw sweet barefoot Ellie toddler across her living room floor. The same floor that she, her husband and my husband walked on, several times, from the outside in, on a rainy fall day, while letting two yellow labs in and out.

“I can always give Ellie a bath." I thought. "She’s not going to get hurt. Just filthy. It's ok, Breathe. Breathe."

See I'm growing as a person.

I also laughed when my husband made me call ahead to the hotel.
“Make sure the gps is sending us the same way that the hotel would bring us in” he directed.

Because as Chris Rocks says "Anytime you see a road called MLK Drive, do NOT go down it”