I know it's late, I know you're weary...

God how I miss "Tell it like it is Tuesdays"

Ok that never happened but it was a good idea of my sisters.

I had a good day. a great day. Yesterday was also a good day. Maybe a great day. Tomorrow promises to be a super excellent day. All around, the days are good. Things were - are - were moving forward. we tore off the deck, we're figuring out what to do next, the girl child is about to be two - and as delightful as I could want her to be. I got new pillows for the couch - yea lame but honestly, the old ones were grimy - and I have ideas for how to get things even more efficiently streamlined. (What's left you are wondering, right? Hey, the kid outgrows things.)

My relationship with my neighbors is excellent. Why does this matter? I live in a tiny residential area and our houses are less then 15 feet from each other. Ish. So yeah, it's great to be neighbors. We chat across fences, yell across yards. I'm lucky enough to have girlfriends, whether the relationships are real or imagined, and daily, there's something to do and someone to do it with.

So life, as I know it, is good. I've walked 4 miles each day the last two days and will again tomorrow and my weekly Wednesday playgroup has disbanded. Thank the good lord.

So - HONESTLY - things are good.

So don't mind me for bitching.

Maybe I'm confused. Maybe my glass is so full that I forgot what it was like when it was empty. maybe I'm living in an alternate reality - where I dont have a boss, a 9to5 job, a commute or any other thing to disenchant me so I live in tremendous la la land.

And I have ZERO right to judge anyone.

But were it Tell it like it is Tuesday today? Whooo boy. Duck and run for cover baby.

Because in the midst of my REALLY FUCKING GOOD DAY I wanted to say the following.

1. Get to the point please. Are you coming or not? Do you need a ride or not? I have 10 other people I'm interested in meeting up with. Your son is sniffling, I got it. I don't need a 13 minute dissertation on what his needs are, how he slept, what your hopes, dreams fears and aspirations are. Yes, I care if he is sick. I care if you are sick. I care about you. In the scope that if it were life threatening, I'd want you both to live. But he woke up sick? Um hmm. BFD. We are IN the car and going somewhere. Am I stopping this behemoth or what?

2. Really? You're son refuses to sleep without you? Um hmm. So you lay down next to him? Because why exactly? I'm just curious. I mean - won't he EVENTUALLY get tired? Eventually? Sooner or later he has to sleep right? So if you just keep him up till he drops like a tiny fly you can pop him in his crib right? oh he climbs out? Well, your house is big enough. Take all the shit out of his room, put a toddler bed in and put a screen door on the room. Eventually the little fucker will curl up in a corner. Must I know EVERYTHING?

3. So you wanted to, what did you say, oh that's right, LITERALLY shoot your boss today. Uh.. Ok. Because he, what's that, was mean to you? Oh. Did he call you a stupid fat whore? No. Oh. Did he say that your work sucked? Not that either. What happened now? Ohhhhh he SNAPPED at you because you were 1/2 hour late and missed a meeting with him. Bastard. Ahh. So he "dissed" you which I believe is the colloquial term for "Disrespected" you and know you are going on with the equivalent of wanting to "pop a cap in his ass" Charming.

4. Thank you mothers helper girl for calling me at 2:37 on the day you used to come every week to ask me if I "needed you today" Apparently the 3 conversations I've had with you and your mom about your calling me ONE DAY IN ADVANCE when you were available given your new busy schedule (my idea, you ARE really tired honey) has been misconstrued. I'm going to blame hormones.

5. Yes dear. Let's not discuss things.
Your parents are coming ostensibly to help our marriage because our porch was a splintering piece of shit and I was ready to scream you to death given that they took two years for them (professional housepainters) who promised to fix it (broken promises what?) so instead we ripped OFF the porch - and how much is a new deck going to cost again? Oh I'd say just a hair (thousands) more then if you guys had painted it and protected it when we discussed it WHILE I WAS PREGNANT. But sure, 2 1/2 years later it was rotted to shit so yeah, no need to fix it now. It's in a scrap pile now. But they are still coming? Why again? Oh, they still want to help? Ok. Um hmm, they wanted to know what else I needed? Well, Ellie's room they were going to paint while I was pregnant so can they do that? What? The end of April is too early in the season to paint? Oh. Really? So what the fuck did they do indoors a since Christmas? I'm sorry, was that rude? They are going to come back three weeks later? So two visits. Ah, ok. Yeah. Sure. Just like it took them almost a year and 3 months since their last visit. I'm sure they are going to come back in May to paint a bedroom. THANKS FOR THE HELP WITH OUR MARRIAGE. Honestly.

6. Her shoes? Yes. She got them from her cousin. Her cousin that gives her BAGS and BAGS of clothes you say? I'm sorry? What? oh, she's dressed nice because I get given things? Oh. um, ok. You have no one giving YOU things? Well, um, actually, I assume your youngest gets things from BOTH of her older sisters. So back off. But I'm really really sorry that I get handmedowns. I should be ashamed really.

But I didn't say any of that.
Because I'm generally happy.

Meanwhile - tomorrow I am calling both a painter for the bedrooms and the front hall as well as a separate contractor to fix the front porch. Then I'm going to schedule them and prepay. After that I'll be calling my inlaws to tell them I'm sorry but they can't come in April now because we are having work done. But that's' ok. Because they are coming three weeks later, isn't that right? no sir, just kidding! Please come. But no thanks on the painting. We're all set.