if youre gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right

You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
You never count your money when youre sittin at the table.
Therell be time enough for countin when the dealins done.

Now evry gambler knows that the secret to survivin
Is knowin what to throw away and knowing what to keep.
cause evry hands a winner and evry hands a loser,
And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.


I'm ready.
To move on.

Almost 6 years ago I was ready to leave this town.
But I was busy at work, then busy with Mike, then busy being busy.

I started looking at condos, at houses. I looked all over, Everett, Jamaica Plain, the South End, East Boston, Fort Hill. I looked at good towns and at not o good towns. I looked EVERYWHERE. And I stayed here because I knew, at the time, that it was wiser - and safer - not to make such a drastic change. And I haven't regretted it really. But today I felt it again. The stirrings of wanting to leave. I don't know if it was the litter blowing onto lawns from the side of the railroad tracks, the disenfranchised blackhooded hoodlums stalking angrily down the street, the overall seedy neglect of some of the houses on my sidestrrets but today I was just...done.

I haven't "had it" I don't "hate it" I don't even "dislike" it. I'm just...not bored. that's not the right word. I've ...outgrown where we live. For me. I've been here since 1997. Twelve years later I've eaten at every restaurant, i've driven down every road. Surely there are things I love - the library, the lake, my playgroups, my neighbors.

But overall, when I project OUT ...I don't see me living here.

and it's ok.

Because I'm ready.

And we talked about moving - but shied away because we didn't want to spend the money to essentially make a lateral move. We live in this town surely but why spend $100,000, or $150000 MORE to live IN THE SAME TOWN??? With the same restaurants, schools, tailors, and gain nothing but more living space. bah. From here I can walk to the center. From a better neighborhood I couldn't. So I'd be throwing away some of the best things. For relatively little. So we decided to stay. Here. But only for another year. And yes, one year always means two - but it's not five.

"Oh but what about your friends? Your life?"

Yes. I know. But you can't cling to that. Friends move - their jobs change - they go back to work, they go off to school, they have second children, third children. Lives change. And clinging to a life, this life, just because it served you well once, is no way to live.

So I'm ready.
And I think, I daresay, I might just be looking forward to it.