I had a return today at Old Navy. Why I buy online, I'll never know. Simple yoga pants, you'd think it'd be easy.

By yoga I mean stretchy black universal wear everyday but certainly not to yoga are you shitting me pants.

I come home, I throw my "new" purchases on the chair and the glamorous life of cutting up snacks, prepping dinner ensues.

My husband walks in.

"Oh. New shirt" he points. "Cute"
I hold up the 3T top that I know will shrink to bits. Really, I never shop there. (Who am I kidding. I never shop anywhere. Thank god for yardsales, handmedowns and the target buyers).
"I know"
"Pajamas?"
"No, it's a top."

I mean you have to LOVE the domestic bliss and scintillating conversation. The man is literally JUST walking in from work.

"Ask me how much it was. Noo. Guess. Guess how much it was."
My husband says "$17"
"No, no" I amend. And I'm sort of half jumping up and down. "No, pick like, a ridiculously low number. Like low low. Crazy low."
"$12"
"No, like crazy crazy low low. Like something ridiculous"
"$7" he says.

Honestly, the man HAS to hate me.

"No. You aren't going to BELIEVE it" I say. Really with the same enthusiasm as someone sharing the news of say, a winning lottery ticket.

Seriously.

I whip up all three pieces off the chair. "See this shirt" I say, and hold it front to back, "and then there's THIS shirt" hold and wave front to pack and then, my crowning glory "THESE pants" and I raise the wee jeans over my head.

"Oh goodie" he says, I think seriously, to a degree, because what he utters next can only be uttered by a man who cannot fathom young toddler girl clothes and just needs it to be simple "I LOVE jeans"

"I KNOW" I'm maniacal at this point. I could sell the shit out of a beef jerky maker. Where's Ronco when you need 'em?

"So guess. Guess how much? Just guess!!!!! See this? And this? And this?"
Big pause. The excitement is at a crescendo.
"Three Ninety Seven!" I squeal

My husband looks at me. Thoughtfully.

"These tops were 99 cents each. Ninety nine. I couldn't believe it. and the pants. Not even TWO dollars. It's crazy. I mean it was like, oh my god I knew they were on sale!!" I'm flapping my arms with the price tags dangling.

And then I see it. My husband is pantomiming running. In place. In his suit and tie with the door still open behind him.

"Start the car...START THE CAR...Start the car" then he "Whoooooo-ahs" and lassos his hand overhead.

It took me a minute

Lord love the man.
If nothing else I'm glad I entertain him.