I May be Fat But You're Ugly and I Can Diet

So I'm on the phone today with my good friend Zelda bemoaning my lack of coolness and the fact that we don't see live music anymore and she offhands a clever remark about a Pogue cover band that would have been dead on if the lead singer was (even) uglier.

It was impeccably timed and surely witty...except that I know of the Pogues only peripherally.

Kindly, she laboriously explained about the lead singer. The nicotine stained hands, the chiclet teeth, the skin...and I tried to rally, really, but eventually I admitted my almost 40 year old uncoolness.

She was kind and covered for me.

Shortly thereafter I received the following email:

not that you care, but this makes my joke about the singer from the pogues cover band that we saw at the plough much funnier (about how the guy wasn't ugly enough to be him, but he sounded just like him).
this is shane mcgowan, lead singer of the pogues:
http://www.showbizireland.com/images/stars/macgowan-gig01.jpg

he's like, the ugliest man alive.
and now you know. :-)(i wish i could make that swishy star noise like they do on those 'now you know' psa's)
cheers.

Seriously, I almost threw up.
Honestly it’s a redneck postcard.
He’s gross.
I’m dying.
He disproves the myth that anyone in a band will get laid.
I wouldn’t give him change in the subway.
He needs Extreme Makeover Dental Edition.

Sigh.
So ends my foray into coolness.
Next I'll be singing the Friendly's song in my minivan.